As parents we do our best to ensure our child has everything they could possibly need but sometimes we don’t always strike a balance. They come into the world and develop their own personalities and we are their first love, their first friend and their first teacher. They rely wholeheartedly on us and the way we parent them determines who they turn out to be as they become adults.
Most persons will parent their children the way they were parented. If they were raised one way, then it surely must be the right way. Some parents tend to be overly strict and inflexible while others tend to be overly permissive and/ or overprotective.
Let’s look at the four different types of parenting styles:
Authoritative: This type of parenting is firm yet warm and understanding. It is typified by a rational yet compromising give and take approach, allowing the child to see the reasoning behind a certain decision taken. This method of parenting allows the child to experience the following:
● emotional stability
● positive life satisfaction
● adaptive coping patterns
● lower levels of problem behaviour
● social competence
Authoritarian: Expresses strict discipline with little or no room for negotiation. This style of parenting is exemplified by a “my way or the highway” approach, where there is little to no compassion or warmth expressed for the child. This style affects the child in the following ways:
● lower self-esteem/ self confidence
● poor academic achievement
● poorer social skills
● depressive symptoms
Permissive: Here the parent is extremely permissive allowing the child to do as they wish without setting rules or boundaries. Here the parent prefers the child to be their friend and there is avoidance of conflict. This method has the following effects on the child:
● impulsive behaviour
● poor self-control
● problematic behaviour
● low self esteem
Uninvolved: The needs of the child are completely neglected. The parent is completely uninvolved in the child’s life and the child lacks love, attention, authority and protection. This parenting style has these effects on the child:
● Insufficient self-regulation
● Insufficient social competence
● Increase in delinquency/antisocial behavior
● Increase in depression and anxiety
A parent’s role is to maintain a child’s health and safety, instill social skills, promote emotional wellbeing and prepare the child intellectually. Research suggests that the most balanced and well-adjusted children are those raised by parents who find an equilibrium between warmth and sensitivity while highlighting clear behavioural expectations.
These 4 “C’s” might be helpful in raising our children:
● Care: To show acceptance and affection
● Consistency: Maintaining a stable environment
● Choices: Allowing the child to become independent
● Consequences: Where the child knows there are consequences/repercussions for their actions/choices.
It is clear that parents should ultimately strive to be firm but loving, allowing the child to explore and achieve independence in addition to allowing them to experience failure.
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist at the Georgetown Public Hospital Corporation’s Psychiatric Department. You can send questions or comments to her at aliciaroopnaraine@gmail.com
