For the past 24 years, Faye Alleyne has suffered from clinical depression, an illness that she kept well hidden for fear of being stigmatized or even fired from her job.
Even after she sought help and was being treated, Alleyne did not speak publicly about the condition but when a friend confided in her recently about his 17-year struggle with severe debilitating depression, it pushed her to first disclose to him that she had the same struggles and to later publicly speak about it.
Before speaking to Stabroek Weekend, Alleyne, a graduate of the University of the West Indies where she studied Economics and Law, said she first “summoned the balls” to share it on Facebook with the aim of giving hope “to someone who is smiling brightly through the darkness.”
She shared that in the first ten years of the depression she was scared to see a doctor because of the possibility of people knowing and the real possibility of losing the senior job she had then. In those years, she said, she suffered.
Eventually Alleyne was fired, and it could be that no longer having that fear hanging over her head also propelled her to speak about her fight with depression. She shared that she was dismissed with no real reason being given and received her benefits. She admitted that for a while she had felt that it was time for her to leave.
Having worked in banking for 20 years, and another 13 years in a private sector organisation in the country, Alleyne has since moved on to form a consultancy company along with others. While it is not thriving yet, she said she is comfortable working for herself.
Afraid
She said many times persons are afraid to publicly talk about depression because of the stigma attached.
“People will throw it at you,” she said, giving an example of a woman on Facebook who openly wrote about her struggles with depression and received very negative comments.
“If she says something and they don’t agree with it they would be like, ‘You drink you medication?’ ‘You mad woman, you’, that kind of thing. But she has learnt to handle it. I am now learning to handle it,” the 58-year-old mother said in a recent interview.
Now that she is working with herself after 35 years, Alleyne said, she is prepared to speak publicly about her struggles with depression.
She would not have taken a chance in her last job as she had a senior position and there might have been people who would have questioned her ability if they knew of her depression.
“I can safely say it never affected my performance,” she said.
“I have been feeling suicidal all of my life, but I am very religious, and church has said it [committing suicide] is a sin, so you don’t entertain it too much. Now I understand, I use to think it is your life why should they get involved, now I understand it is a complete absence of faith in God,” she said.
Asked if there was a specific period in life that she believes triggered the depression, Alleyne, after thinking for a while, said it could have been when her father left the country; she was just seven years old. The next time she saw her father when she was 30; they had begun communicating when she was 22. By then she was a mother of two.
Over the years, she managed to control it, but Alleyne said she believes that going to a new country to study and work and having her children with her may have been the real trigger.
“I suppose the stress of all of that and being in a strange country and studying,…” she said when asked the question, adding that one day it was just really horrible and she was thinking about just ending it all.
When she returned home, Alleyne said, she experienced a breakdown; a physician had to be called to the home and an injection was administered.
While she did not agree with everything the doctor, who initially treated her did, she said he did “one good thing. He told me that it is not something for me to be ashamed of, that it is not as if I am mad but it is a case where your brain does not make a particular chemical, all you have to do is put back the chemical and you are fine,” she said.
She said that is how she eventually treated the condition when she found a “really good doctor” who prescribed a pill that Alleyne takes every day and according to her she is fine.
After she started taking the medication Alleyne said, for the first few years she could not cry. “No matter what happen I couldn’t cry,” she said, but she said her body has since adjusted as now she can cry. She has never missed a dose, and according to her it “has basically saved my life.
“Some people turn up their noses at medication but sometimes it is necessary, you just have to face it and deal with it. Of course, there are all kinds of side effects…” But she added that apart from the fact that initially she could not cry, she has not seen any since she had started using the medication.
Her left hand shakes, but Alleyne said she could not pin it down to an effect of the medication as it could be early stage Parkinson’s, from which her mother died. While she was told the medication has no side effects, Alleyne said she does not believe since all medications have side effects.
And to persons who have depression Alleyne has this to say: “Get help, see a therapist of some sort. Some people need to talk about their problems, that was not my problem. I mean I can talk to a friend. I can talk to anybody… But as the first doctor said there is a chemical deficiency and once treated all will be well.”
The businesswoman said she still sometimes faces bad days.
“There were still times now and then when a bit of the darkness descends and there seems to be no reason to exist. Children grown, no real reason to go through the motions of daily life. But I have found that returning to church regularly over the past three years, prayer, a vegetarian diet and doing a bit for others have greatly reduced the frequency and severity of the descent of darkness. Also, the more I seek those who need me the happier I am. Even if it’s my dogs who would be unhappy if I were not around. So, a life of service it will be,” she said.
Politics
In recent times Alleyne has also entered the world of politics as she is now a candidate for the PPP/C party in the upcoming elections. She explained that she believes the party gives her the opportunity to do something for others, which is her passion. Alleyne said that since she is no longer on the formal job market she has been volunteering and should the PPP/C be returned to office come March 2, she will have more opportunity to help ordinary people.
She disclosed that many have not agreed with her decision, even her children do not support the party she is campaigning for, but she believes she is doing the right thing at the right time.
It was not easy entering politics as she said she was aware that it could get difficult at times and she has even lost a few friends, but Alleyne pointed out that doing what she knows is right triumphed her fears.
Depression
According to the UK-based Medical News Today, a web-based outlet for medical news, targeted at both physicians and the general public, depression is a mood disorder that involves a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. It is different from the mood fluctuations that people regularly experience as a part of life. It said that major life events, such as bereavement or the loss of a job, can lead to depression. However, doctors only consider feelings of grief to be part of depression if they persist.
According to the website, depression is an ongoing problem, not a passing one. It consists of episodes during which the symptoms last for at least 2 weeks. Depression can last for several weeks, months, or years.
The symptoms of depression can include:
● a depressed mood
● reduced interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed
● a loss of sexual desire
● changes in appetite
● unintentional weight loss or gain
● sleeping too much or too little
● agitation, restlessness, and pacing up and down
● slowed movement and speech
● fatigue or loss of energy
● feelings of worthlessness or guilt
● difficulty thinking, concentrating, or making decisions
● recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or an attempt at suicide
There are several forms of depression. There is major depression and a person with this form experiences a constant state of sadness. They may lose interest in activities that they used to enjoy. Other forms include bipolar, psychotic and postpartum depression, or postnatal depression.
