As she spoke, I saw the hurt in the face of the pretty young woman sitting across from me, although she initially said she had gotten over what had happened. But when, according to her, “a woman’s worst nightmare comes alive,” there is no way one could just move past such a situation.
Sexually explicit videos of the 20-year-old were shared on the internet, not by a spurned lover but by a young woman she referred to as ‘sister’ and ‘best friend’.
I first learnt of the incident last week when the young woman made a Facebook post in which she said “Words can never express how I truly felt during that period” and added that she prayed another woman “does not suffer similar fate.” She also spoke of how she was crucified in the public domain, mainly by women who are supposed to support and empower their sisters.
I reached out to her and she willingly agreed to share her experience with me to be published in this space. We decided that even though she made the Facebook post she will remain anonymous. After all Facebook and mainstream media are different.
“Currently, how I am feeling now, I got over the incident already. I feel pleased that I let the world know who was behind it and let them know the truth behind the matter,” she said to me.
“I am somehow satisfied that the world knows what she did and know what she is capable of doing.
“We had a great relationship and for me it was more than just being friends,” she said when I asked her how close they were.
In her Facebook post she uploaded many photographs of them having fun times, even from their school days. It was obvious that they shared many fond memories.
“When I found out it was her, I could not believe it and I felt really, really betrayed. Knowing that it was someone I was so close to; someone I shared all my secrets with. The biggest question in my mind was why,” she said.
“When I found out it was her, I just wanted to know the reason behind her actions. But it didn’t have a reason, … what she did say, which I would never forget, is that the devil finds work for idle minds and she doesn’t want me to see her as a bad friend and it was just the devil,” she added.
In October 2019, the young woman said, she was at work having a normal day when her world came crashing down.
“I was at work, I was scrolling WhatsApp statuses when I saw a friend of hers [her then best friend], posted a screenshot of the videos, there were multiple videos. I took a screenshot of the videos and sent it to her because the girl was her God sister and I asked how the girl got the videos. She pretended to be as shocked as I was and was like, ‘I don’t know how she got that’ and said she would ask her.
“After that my phone just started to blow up with messages. I was feeling so devastated and at one point I just wanted to disappear. It was almost time for me to leave work and I remained calm and left went home. When I got home, I had lost my appetite and I was just running social media, looking at statuses, replying to messages,” she said.
I told her maybe she should have shut down her phone and she agreed but said at that time she could not have helped herself.
“I throw a pity party and did not sleep that night at all. The next morning, I went to work. I had a hard time trying to act like everything was okay. I had to get the courage getting out of the house but eventually went to work and try hiding from persons who I think knew.
“I tried going about my days as per normal, until someone ask me how I was doing, and I broke down and I told him. He encouraged me and told me to make a police report and he made a few phone calls, and that is how I went to the station,” she recalled.
“At that point all fingers was pointing to the boy who was in the video with me. I contacted him and he denied, and he was shocked as was. I believed him. We would talk every day, and we talked that morning.”
Justice
She said the videos were about a year old and she was with her boyfriend at the time having consensual sexual relations.
“Did you know it was being recorded at the time?” I asked.
“Yes, it was all consensual,” she answered.
“After I went to the police and they were questioning me and asking me how long the video was released and it was at that point that my same friend had texted me and told me that someone had sent one of the videos in a group. At that time, she told me not to worry and that she told the person to delete it. I had asked the young man then and he told me that he no longer had the videos.
“At that time, I just left it because she was the only one who claimed to have seen it and she said it was deleted. I told the police about the December conversation and that she never showed me or told me who shared it. I called her then and asked her who had shared it and she told me how she can’t tell me and that I should not involve her in any police story. I was like okay no problem, because I can’t see why at a time like this, she would not tell me.
“The police then said she would have to come and give a statement and we went to her home, but she was not there and the police called her and invited her to come in and give a statement and she agreed. But right after the police called, she rang my phone and the police answered and told her not to contact me but to come to the station.
“I left the station before she went in and after the police questioned her, she admitted that she was the one who took the videos out of my phone. She said she was in my phone to transfer some photographs of herself and she transferred the videos too.
“When the police called and told me, I felt really shocked. At one time I could not believe. I asked, are you are serious? And the officer was like, ‘yes your friend admitted to it.’ The police said she could not give a reason as to why she did it. I was sitting there in total shock and it took me more than hour before I could have gotten up and go to the station to face her.
“I went to the station and when she saw me, she just bowed her head, and that was the last time saw her.
“She was placed on bail but not only her, there was another girl who was selling the videos for credit. She was not only sending the videos, but screenshots of my Facebook page and the young man’s page so that people could know who were. I was trying to find out who was this girl and why she was doing it but before I could have reached, she sent me a message denying that she was doing that. She said she had sisters and friends and she would not want anyone to do that to them, but I knew she was doing it. I had evidence and I gave it to the police.
“I did not respond to her but when the police arrested her and checked her phone, she had the videos stored. Both of them are on bail and the matter is still being investigated.
“I want justice,” the young woman declared.
I asked her how she felt about making the video.
“It is not as if I regret it or anything. It is not something I did in public. It is just unfortunate that it got out there. But I will advise young woman to keep your private life private and away from cameras,” she answered.
‘A learning experience’
She lives with her mother and grandmother, both of whom she said were very supportive during the difficult period.
“My mother was very supportive and encouraged me to go and not listen to what persons has to say. She was really encouraging. My entire family actually was very encouraging. But when we heard who was behind it my mother was in total disbelief,” she said.
And the young man in the video received some terrible comments on social media, as people were saying he was the one who leaked it.
“We even had a big argument because he wanted me to come out on social media and say I know he is not the one, but at that time I was not sure if it was him or not. He was upset, but then we eventually talked about it we agreed that if either of us made a post right then it would just attract more attention.
“I have accepted the fact that it has already happened. However, I cannot keep dwelling in the past. … I saw it as a learning experience and I just thought it was time that the world knows who was really behind this and not everybody who you think is your friend is actually our friend.”
She did not get the support she needed from her church members.
“I was always an active church goer. I would lead with praise and worship. I am an excellent reader so I would read a lot for them. After the entire experience, they distanced me off from doing certain things. The pastor came to my workplace and he was trying to find out like why, if there is a reason for me doing [the] video… I got upset. I told him who are you to judge me, instead of you being supportive why are you judging me. He told me that I needed to repent and asked me how was my spiritual life and I told him to be honest I am no longer interested because I think persons in that church are too judgmental and that is why all the youths are leaving.
“I have visited a few times, some of the persons are very supportive while others will be quite distanced from me,” she continued.
Her advice?
“Be careful of the persons you have around you, who you are trusting with your personal life.
“And you know most of the negative messages were from females and now when I made the post about who did it some of the same persons have all positive things to say,” she said.
Up to the time of writing this, the post had over 900 comments and over 2,000 reactions while hundreds had shared it.
“I can’t read all the comments. It really went viral and a lot of persons have reached out to me and shared similar stories and stuff that happened them.
“I never knew just sharing my story could bring out so many, and to know that I am not the only one, some persons went through worse,” she continued.
Does she have friends?
“I still have friends. But I don’t keep them as close as she was with me. I don’t think I can do so right now. There are good people, but it would take a lot out of me to trust anyone that much,” she said.
Right now, this sister is just trying to move on. She has come a long way, but for now, as she said, trusting another woman will take some time. Keep moving on, sister.
