With the pandemic continuing to wreak havoc on our lives and the global economy most of us are trying to become accustomed to the new normal. My happy memories are beginning to feel as if they were from centuries ago. I find myself purposefully placing myself in past mental time loops to cling to some sort of community, and positivity as the current situation makes me feel as if we are all on mute.
Flicking through pictures of old times, making an extra effort to reconnect with friends while rehashing old memories is bringing me an extreme sense of comfort. It is mind boggling how these things seemed so time consuming with our hectic lives before that we sometimes would categorize them as non-essential.
When I find myself getting overwhelmed with this constant state of emptiness, I try to reimagine some of my darkest moments and wonder if I would have survived the pandemic under them. Though I know this is not the healthiest thing to do, sometimes I can’t help but wonder: what if?
I remain thankful that I get to go to bed every night with someone deeply appreciative of me. I wonder if our long-distance relationship could have survived this if this had happened when I was living in Guyana. This pandemic multiplies uncertainties and often in uncertainty we tend to want to take the safest route and make rash decisions based on temporary emotions. There is no telling what the outcomes would have been.
This period brings a heightened sense of stress for couples who are even incredibly comfortable with each other because the truth is, we are social beings. We thrive on human connection. We need people, other than the ones with whom we share familial ties. It is what makes life interesting and rich in perspective.
My husband’s new project is in the first phase which has been mostly paper based since fabrication has not started. Before the pandemic he had been working from home with a few work trips. From then to now this is what I have learnt and practiced doing so as to ensure things always flow relatively smoothly and to reduce any unnecessary stress.
Your office, date night location, place of abode
All these things have magically morphed into one physical location which at times can feel like a tightly taped Amazon box. I have found that constantly maintaining an orderly home helps with it feeling like less of a trap. Many have already said they feel like inmates. Your surroundings help you to feel happy, so it is necessary that since it has become a prime place to keep it as welcoming as possible. After all, you do not get a break from it.
Date night spice
I miss going to live concerts. It was my favourite thing to do for date night. Most nights may feel mundane. We have exhausted Netflix and looked at news till our eyes get tired. We personally do three rounds of walking in the city park and often drink beers and snacks in the open garden. It might not be your cup of tea, but we love talking while doing social things. We tend to have some of our deepest conversations in these moments. You might not have access to all your usual date night activities, but this doesn’t mean you can’t alter them to work with whatever you have. Pandemic proof date night is essential. We must find ways to be happy, so we don’t explode.
Personal space/identity
Since I got married, I have taken some time off every year to visit or spend time with a friend. Last year I was lucky enough to have more than one. I found them to be quite rewarding for me personally, as they help me to remain grounded and keep parts of me, I hope to never change. They are also a way of maintaining my small community after migrating. My husband doesn’t do this, but he does do a lot of beer-filled work socials. We bring home stories and experiences. We share knowledge about things we may have learnt. This might not be up your alley, but I can guarantee you that anyone living through a pandemic will want to have a break from people they have been surrounded by for weeks 24/7. It has nothing to do with a lack of love for the other but a matter of self-preservation and to never feel as if you are giving from an exhausted place.
With the lock down rules varying from country to country, I recommend you start small, try with agreeing with your partner for 1 hour of uninterrupted silence and do something you enjoy.
As we all try to work out what best fits us and our loved ones, our happy memories may seem like decades away. I hope you can take solace in the fact that change is inevitable, and this will not last forever.
