“I am faced, with a very bad, bad case of defamation of character—that portrays me as a prostitute, publicly [and] widespread,” she said.
These were the words she greeted me with. She is 38 years old and visited our office twice. Because of the measures the company implemented because of COVID-19, she was told she had to leave a number and a reporter would contact her. Her insistence and almost desperate pleas resulted in her seeing a reporter. She wanted her story to be told. Three days later she was back at the office with the same plea.
I finally contacted her and those were the words she started off with when I identified myself. I asked her if she was sure she wanted her story to be told and she responded in the affirmative and added that even if she has to be identified she does not mind.
We both decided, following our conversation, that she would remain anonymous. The long and short of her story is that she thought she was married, but later found out the marriage had not been registered. She was also abused and after she was finally put of the ‘marital’ home, the man she called her husband began tarnishing her reputation by sharing lewd videos and photographs of her.
“The public calls me three hundred, five hundred and thousand dollars and if that is not bad enough they also call me stinker, bitch, prostitute and Baroombar,” she continued.
She explained that her home circle consists of her father, two brothers and a sister. They all attended top secondary schools in Georgetown and are university graduates. According to her, she holds a bachelor’s degree in business management and a master’s degree in project management. Her siblings are all professionals.
“But now for three years I have been unable to hold a stable job and I am forced to take menial jobs such as at call centres, selling land, working in stores and in fast food restaurants. I am not being hired by government anymore. I worked with a government ministry from 2009 to 2015 and I resigned for a marketing manager position which paid almost thrice my salary,” she shared.
“I resigned from that position a few years later because I wanted to get on my own, start doing management consultancy and to be independent so I opened my own business. But prior to that I got involved in a relationship which I now regret in the sense that I was stained publicly as a very bad person,” she continued.
“I eventually got married to the person in 2014 [and until] 2017 I lived with him in another part of the city. Everything I had, in terms of vehicle and money was taken in many devious ways,” she said.
I asked her how.
“Well I invested in a business, selling spare parts of vehicles and other things but I never got the goods nor my money, everything flopped. I wanted to get involved in business and my husband presented the idea to me and it sounded good to me. It was presented as good option and I readily took it and invested a lot, over one point five million and I got nothing in return. Our relationship ended on the same note it started, with lies and misery. He just wanted to use me,” she shared.
She thought when she returned to the home where she grew up that she would have been able start over, but it was not to be.
“I went back home, and I thought the worst was over because I suffered domestic violence. I had to stay at a shelter at one time. I suffered stab wounds. It was serious domestic violence, both verbally and emotionally. So, coming back home I thought the worst had ended but that is where the staining started,” she told me.
She believes the slander was fuelled by some relatives with whom her family had a court battle over a property and her ex knowing this used them to besmirch her character. She lives on a busy downtown street and according to her because of the photographs and videos, the employees of a popular business place also got involved with the slander.
“They [her relatives] were happy to find something to pull us down, a popular business got involved as well because this particular family are their friends. The security guard got involved and even people in vehicles that would park nearby would throw hints at me,” she said.
“My ex-husband shared videos and pictures of contents that are sexual, publicly and told people that he had no relationship with me and that he paid me to do the things on the videos. So that is what the public believes. You would not hear about the domestic violence nor the fact that we were married,” she shared.
“I approached the courts and at one time I had to take out a restraining order. I reported it, but it got worse because he went on a campaign sharing these things with minibus and taxi drivers and his friends. They would never know I was married to him. He used to physically abuse me and used to lock me in the house so I couldn’t go nowhere. Sometimes I used to leave but I would come back we would make up and then he would take the pictures and videos and he would keep them on a flash drive and threaten that if I run away he would show people.
“I stayed with him and endured the abuse until the relationship actually ended when he put me out. He actually ended it and I went back home. He put me out and I was very happy to return home, but I never expected to be faced with this public stain,” she said.
“When I came back home I was in a terrible state, physically and emotionally and I had no money. I had to do counselling for over a year. Our pastors and a few other pastors got involved in trying to help me. Some of them don’t know me, and they ended up believing what is out there because of what they are seeing, I had to move away from some of the churches,” she said.
She related that before her husband met her he was married by Hindu rights to another woman, but he never told her. She believes the woman had left him but after he put her out she returned and joined him in the public humiliation.
“I was married legally to him at the Post Office but when I went to the lawyer to seek a divorce the lawyer said the document I had was not the license, it was a paper to take to the marriage officer to be signed. So, I really was not married, and it was the lawyer who advised me to take out the restraining order, and it was for two years, it was completed this year,” she said.
I asked her about the police report.
“He has friends in the police force. I reported it to the police. I went as far as speaking to officers at Eve Leary. When the magistrate granted the restraining order, she recommended that I seek counselling at the Ministry of Social Protection. I attended all the sessions and a report was submitted to the magistrate. The order stopped him from coming after me physically, but the public staining continued,” she answered.
She believes that the public staining is preventing her from getting a job suitable for her qualifications.
“I have started to put myself back together since I got home. I bought a vehicle through the bank, but I need to keep a job. I am still running, months after months looking for a job. Right now, I am with a call centre, and the salary is just to pay the bank for my vehicle,” she said.
“I am 38 and I was hoping by now to start building and to live in my home, but it is not happening,” she said sadly.
I asked her about her family and how they are dealing with the issue.
“My family lives in a hole and they believe I should seek medical attention. They don’t want to believe it. My family are the kind of Christians who would say leave it to God. They bury their heads in the sand,” she answered.
“I have been through some really rough moments with this thing I have not had an up moment yet, but I am believing in God that he would work it out,” she said hopefully.
And why does she want to tell her story?
“I want to tell my story for two
particular reasons. I want to sensitise the public that what they are doing is destroying someone’s life and secondly to bring public awareness of what women go through in a relationship, physical abuse, domestic violence and these men trying to make these women look so bad and they look good,” she said.
“Women need to follow the signs, which I didn’t do. When you see the red flags obey them, don’t be misled or be led by your emotions and put yourself in a much worser position to the point where your life is at stake,” she advised.
“That’s my current life in a nutshell,” she said after our conversation ended.
It is not for me to question this sister’s story. She insisted that it be told, and I believe she has a right to tell her story. I did advise her to contact the Sexual and Domestic Violence Policy Unit at 225-8693 after an acquaintance contacted its head who indicated that once the details are given they would assist her in following up with the Gender Based Unit of the Guyana Police Force.
I will remain in contact with this sister to see what assistance she receives. She eagerly took the number and promised to make contact.
I can only hope this sister gets the help she needs.
