The deaths of Joel, Isaiah and Haresh are still fresh on my mind, even though I feel less guilty about being alive this week in comparison to last week. For the last five days, however, it has felt as if I have just been existing and mindlessly completing tasks without any emotion, a sense of blankness looms.
My body has neglected defence mode for now and has gone into deep reflective mode about life in general and processing grief. The news of the Henry boys came at a personally complex time for me. It was the last night I spent with my sister before she left for Guyana again after five long years of not seeing each other.
It would have been even more tough to experience such levels of shock in isolation and particularly juxtaposed against the reality of the relationship the two cousins had shared. I find myself clinging to the pictorial memories with feelings of happiness and guilt. I thought a lot about what self-care should look like in times of loss and which bits have helped me to cope in the smallest of ways
Self-care has always been hyper connected to spa dates and beauty regimes at salons. However, for me, self-care in the 21st century is anything you can do that makes you a little happy or brings you even the most fleeting moment of comfort. So far, the following have been working for me:
Social-media cleanse
The reality of everything that happened is already tough to stomach. Do not pile on more negativity from things you may see online. They stir up even more emotion and if we are to be frank, getting involved with ignorance doesn’t yield a thing. It sucks up any little energy you may have and can even cause you to question your own judgement. The delete button and hide post feature are your friends. You may not have been able to control the reality around the three deaths but certainly you can control the reality of your now. Don’t feel guilty about ignoring foolishness.
Comfort in Covid-19
We are not meant to experience any form of pain in isolation. Human interaction is essential if we want to heal. We must be able to humanize our emotions and stories by sharing them. Once the law permits the meeting of household to household, and all necessary precautions are being taken, we should be making this effort. Life has gotten so informal that sometimes we forget that showing up for people physically can go a long way. I think I would have crumbled had I not had any one close person to lean on during the course of this ordeal.
Planning and acceptance
Plan your days to be as efficient as you wish them to be. Accept and acknowledge the pace at which you wish to function and allow yourself just that. It is okay if the plan is just to survive the day sometimes. I have always found myself dodging painful emotions or engaging in forceful productivity which usually results in me burning myself out even further. We are not meant to exist within a constant state of happiness and productivity. The faster we realise this, the quicker we might experience happiness again.
