“All this time I was with an idiot and sometimes I feel that way about myself too because look how long I have been with him and now I have four children, four daughters, and I have to move on. Sometimes I feel so depressed and frustrated I don’t know what to do. I need help but don’t know where to turn,” she told me, speaking quietly and slowly.
“…I feel so stressed. Sometimes I think about just doing something and end it all…,” she trailed off. This young woman is in her late 20s. She has four daughters, one of whom is just months old, and she recently separated from the father of her children. With no job and nowhere stable to live, she is at her wits’ end. She reached out to me on social media, wanting her story to be told as she needed help.
“I have read so many of your articles, which I have gained so much knowledge from,” she told me when introducing herself.
“And which inspired me a lot, knowing that I am not the only one going through trials but somehow I wish I had someone who I can talk to. And I don’t know you personally but from reading your articles I must say I love your personality that’s why I chose you,” she continued.
I found the time and we spoke for a long time. Of course it is not just about telling her story but also assisting her to navigate the system so that she can get the needed assistance.
“Right now, we are staying here. It is not comfortable. My children can’t get no learning because we are far away from the school. They can’t even watch the learning channel because other people in the house and they control the TV.
“I barely get enough to give them to eat and I feel so stressed all the time. And he [the father of the children] will give sometimes just a $5,000 and what can that do?
“And my family is like no support I could get from them. Is like they say you make you bed hard, so you have to lie in it. And even if—I can’t live there because that is no environment for my children to grow up in; it is always cussing out, it is not healthy at all.
“Is my children, yes, and right now I just wish I could get a house and work and mind them. I apply for a house lot a long time but nothing yet. I want to do better but I don’t know how to,” she said, sounding helpless.
She spoke of the nine years she spent with the father of her children, who is 34, and how many times they separated, their struggles, and his philandering, which has caused her many embarrassing moments.
“I was just 19 when I meet he and you know I was trying to seek better because of what was happening with me at home. Me and my mother had a problem and I end up in the hospital. I really don’t like talking about it but is me mother and I forgive she. I move on from it,” she said.
She later told me what transpired but asked that it not be printed.
“I end up staying at a relative and it was there I meet this man and things happen and next thing you know I end up getting pregnant. When we move and go on we own, is in a house that didn’t even have no proper roof. You coulda lie down and see the sky and when rain falling all the bed use to get wet.
“Everything that glitter is not gold. At that moment I had family issues. From then the struggle begin, I telling you like real struggle. It was a terrible situation because my daughter had born and I had nobody at my side,” she said.
While she completed secondary school, it was not her best effort and over the years the opportunity never presented itself for her to rewrite CXC subjects. “And then it is like I always have a baby and he used to tell me he don’t want me to work, let me stay home and look after he children, so I never work. And that is why it is so hard now, but I would do any work to take care of them. I need a start so that I could just live for me and me children,” she continued.
“And you know I just keep getting catch. I did put in thing after me first child and then I start bleeding bad and just I take it out. I pregnant with me second daughter and the same thing happen again. I didn’t want to keep getting pregnant all the time.
“But he, he didn’t care is like he just want me to have children all the time even though we punishing, and he could hardly feed them. When he get ready, he used to send we away to stay with he mother and I never use to complain because when I deh by me mother them is no support and I used to feel worse.
“Look, the first time I really know this man doing things, I was six months pregnant and I did just finish bathing me two big children. When you see I find out, I drop to me knees; is like I could not move. We was by me mother at the time and he was away working. Right away I pick up me children and travel to the place and you know this man didn’t open the door? I had to sleep at a friend,” she shared.
“It was a terrible time because me family like was laughing at me and when you see I get me third daughter, I didn’t even have a pin. I had nothing fuh she and as soon as she born is by he mother we went, me and them children and he just continue.
“But you know how it goes: we make up back and again I get pregnant but after this time I make sure they put something up in me. I can’t get any more children right now. And you know when the man find out he come to the hospital and create a scene. Is like I been with an idiot all this time. He can’t mind he children, he get a lot of women, and he still want me to keep making children,” she said.
“This time it done. I can’t put me self through more. I just want some peace and I can’t get it with he. He don’t love me nor he children. At first we used to live with he when school close and the children used to get the work on he phone … but when he start again is like we can’t get access to he phone,” she continued.
“I just need to get help. Imagine I living in a country and applying for a house lot and can’t get nothing. People vulnerable like me can’t get the assistance I need. I not blaming anyone for what happen to me, but it done happen and I just want to get some help, if not for me for my children,” she said pleadingly.
This sister definitely needs help. I have assisted her in getting in contact with the relevant authorities and I will be following up to ensure that she gets some assistance. The journey will be long and hard, but I pray that she and her daughters will be able to get the needed help.
