“Looking back now, I don’t know if I should have done it because I am now burdened with this thing. People insulting me and even my own family vex with me. I get a lot of encouraging messages but now I have to deal with all the hate and insults.
“It is just something that I did and like I really don’t regret it but maybe I should not have done it because now is like I feeling depressed,” she told me sadly.
This 33-year-old mother of two was referring to a recent Facebook post she made where she called out the father of her younger child, whom she said abandoned them since January when he left for work and never returned. Instead, she heard he has moved on with someone else and he no longer takes her calls.
She included her telephone number in the post asking people if they knew his whereabouts (she named him) to inform her. I contacted her and she agreed to speak to me but asked that her name not be mentioned. She said she has since removed the post because of the negative backlash she received, especially from those close to her.
“I was left with a lot of debt, you know. We owe two months’ rent and then I had to pay babysitter because I was working and going to university and it was hard. I try to contact him but then he block me and then his mother and sisters and brothers block me just like that. I was trying to summons him, but the police tell me that I have to get his address to send the summons to and I could not find him,” she related.
“It was so frustrating. It’s not that he move on, but he must help to mind he child… all I wanted was a break. It was hard for me. Yes, I working, but I not working for a million. Because of the debt he left me in, I had to go and take a loan from the bank to pay it off and now I have to pay back the bank.
“So after telling the police officer how hard it is for me and not knowing where to find him, she suggested that maybe I could take out an advertisement in the newspaper or post a short thing on Facebook asking to find him.
“But when I start to write, I just say everything, how this man abandon me and my child. How he leave to go to work and never come back and it is very hard for me. I just want him to help me out. The last time I message he before he block me I beg he to just support he child for the next year and let me finish university and then I would not bother he no more, but he just block me.”
I asked her how long they had been together.
“We were together for five years,” she said. “And let me tell you every relationship has ups and downs, so I am not saying we had a perfect relationship. I went to the region to work and I was single. I had a daughter, but I had nobody, and we met and then we started the relationship.
“Things was going good for the first few years, but it was like maybe a year ago before January we started to get these trust issues because he started getting involved with other people. He started to cheat but you know he would normally work in the bush so I could not like get the real proof, but I know what he was doing. He would come home sometimes drunk and leave he phone, and you know I would see the messages and so on. After a time I start to like stop caring and I start to go out too. I was not cheating but I would go out and socialize. But things really get bad when I start university and it was at times like he didn’t really want anything to do with me.
“When I find out I was pregnant, I tell he is better I abort the child because the relationship not going anywhere. He went out and drink the next day and he come home, and he really beat me up. If you see the marks on my skin! He was really violent. He tell me how I didn’t want the baby because it was not he own but I know he never had no problem with me, and no man and I just decide to make the child. It is not like I thought it would hold him or anything, but I said it was the right thing to do.”
He remained with her after the baby was born but he was not working, and it seems he became frustrated, she said.
“With the baby it was more responsibility, and it was like he was not prepared because he was not working. But then he get called away to work and this man was so happy, and I said maybe it will mean better for us.
“He leave in January and I never see him back. I would see him online and try to call him and he would not answer. The first time a male answer and tell me that is he friend and how he bring the phone out the bush to update it. I didn’t really believe but I couldn’t do anything else. Then I get to find out this man move on, he just start living with someone else. It was hard but I would still try to find him to help support the baby.
“It was really hard for me and it is still hard for me. That is why I make the post because all he family block me and is like is just me alone. Yes, my family would try to help me, but it was still hard.
“Before I make the post I thought about it for a while, like a whole week before and I even prayed about it and to me it was a last chance and I said hopefully I will get through. So I make the post and it really went viral fast. But I still did not get his address and my parents got upset with me, my sisters get upset and tell me that it was not right and that I could have done it differently. And then I get a message from someone claiming to be his brother but I believe it was him and the person told me that his brother is going to take me to court for what I said and I just decide to take the post down.
“I was just trying to ask him to support his child, so I could pull through university… for one year so I could graduate, that’s all,” she further said.
“Now I make the post and it is worse for me. People calling me and in-boxing me and not saying nice things. I am not giving up because I know I am going to make it. It is never easy on a single mother. It is the second time something like this happening and you know like I didn’t learn from my first experience. I really thought things would have been different.
“Now I don’t even want the money from him anymore I would just try and graduate. I tell myself I have to make it through, come next year this time I want to have my degree and just try to move on. I still have a job and I have to try.”
I can only wish this sister well and hope all works out for her. I also hope that her former partner finds it in his heart to support his offspring.
