As the years go by, some married couples realise that they show less and less affection for each other. And people usually have a variety of responses or justifications for why that happens. ‘So many years have passed and the fire has died,’ some say, and the list could go on. But the reality is that there should be no excuse or justification for not showing affection because a little hug or extra cuddle can go a far way in letting your spouse know how you feel about them. And sometimes, if not most times, actions are way more important than words. If you haven’t always been the affection showing type, it’s never too late to start. You will be pleasantly surprised at how much it can improve your marriage.
So here are some things that you should know:
Affection is essential to a strong marriage: Just as a regular supply of food and water is essential to keeping the physical body strong and healthy, a continuous supply of affection nourishes and strengthens a marriage. Even after decades of marriage, husbands and wives need regular reassurance from their mates that they are loved and cared for.
True love is unselfish: It seeks the happiness of the other person. So rather than expressing affection only when the impulse strikes, a considerate mate will perceive his or her spouse’s need for affection and strive to meet that need.
Wives need more expressions of affection than husbands: While a husband may love his wife dearly, if he only expresses his love and affection when they are intimate, the wife may feel unsure about whether he really cares for her. So it is important for husbands to show affection throughout the day!
Remember, nothing will be perfect and you will have ups and downs but you can take it all away with just the right amount of genuine love and affection.
Here’s what you can do:
Show affection with actions: A hug, a kiss, or simply holding hands can show that you really mean it when you say “I love you”. Genuine care can also be conveyed with a soft touch, a loving glance, or an occasional gift. Also doing helpful things for each other, like helping with chores around the house, can mean so much.
Make time for each other: Being alone together strengthens your marriage and assures your mate that you take pleasure in his or her company. Of course, time alone may be hard to arrange if you have children or if there is a lot of necessary business to discuss each day. Perhaps you can plan to do something as simple as taking regular walks – just the two of you.
Know your mate: Each person is unique in his or her need for affection. Talk together about how each of you prefers to receive affection and whether more is needed. Then, be diligent in filling your mate’s need.
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist. You can send questions or comments to her at aliciaroopnaraine@gmail.com