It feels like something or the other happened this year to everyone. 2020 feels like an adjective to describe anything that is uncomfortable or thorny. But apart from being confined to my home for most of the year, in all honesty it hasn’t been such a God-awful year for me.
The isolation, however, has left with me with much time to think, to process friendships, past relationships and loss. It feels like I am constantly revisiting my life in different seasons and grasping a more profound appreciation for people who have impacted my life in some way or the other. I think of my late Godmother a lot. I have only ever suffered loss by death of two people who mattered to me in my lifetime and as much as we claim it to be a natural part of life, I don’t think the grieving ever stops. Rather it remains at varying level of intensity as time and new experiences come to pass.
Grief, like shame, is not a horrible feeling that we should try to quickly escape; there are lessons to be learnt. The avoidance of feelings have always proven to be self-destructive for me, but I think we tend to avoid feelings because of our collective obsession with strength and toughness. Any form of supposed weakness is always seen to be something to be ashamed of and by extension we tend to lose our ability to be supportive.
As we go through the final month of this very strange and isolating year, I leave you with some of my reflections:
Loss
Loss is inevitable. The experience of loss whether in friendships or relationships is never meant to be smooth sailing. How could it be? After memories pile up and places in our hearts become permanently marked, I find it absurd that we expect to feel better straight away. Give yourself time to appreciate everything and grieve freely about the parts that tugged on your heart strings. In other words, feel your losses and stop letting your ego take over
Prioritize value
I am not a big fan of inspirational memes. Probably because the internet has become so saturated with them with them. Nevertheless, the idea of “putting you first”, which is an extremely popular one, has been the forever mantra for anyone trying to get act their together; it’s the truth. The reality of doing this is rewarding. Life is draining and 2020 has showed us it is short too. Why we would continue to put ourselves in situations where we are not truly valued?
Perhaps sometimes we feel if we give just a little more, then the other person will recognise the value in us; or maybe that is how we cope with our inferiority complexes. Whatever the reason, no long-term happiness can derive from such places. Go to the places and people who truly understand you and want to understand you.
For many, it is only after we pass through something that we realise where we were. But the reality is that this is the ideal way we should always be thinking and acting and not just when so much uncertainty is hovering over us.
