In our modern society, women are working in competitive jobs and earning a lot more than they used to. With each passing day women are venturing more and more into business and are breaking the proverbial glass ceiling and setting higher standards for themselves as entrepreneurs.
Modern women also realize that unlike in the eras of their grandmothers and great grandmothers, society is becoming more amenable to the fact that not every woman chooses to be married or to have children and that some wish instead to just focus on working on themselves. There are also the mothers who are go-getters and find a healthy work-life balance. In sum, women today are a lot freer to do and be what they want.
But sometimes putting in so much effort and hard work at wanting to achieve our goals can make us become overly competitive and even envious of other women. And in many instances, we can’t understand why we feel we need to compete or be envious of other women. So let’s look at a few familiar examples:
● Social media and “beauty”: Are you always checking out those super attractive pictures that women post on their social media and then begin to feel bad about yourself? Do you wish you had what they have? Are you constantly working out, dieting and dolling up but still feel unsatisfied?
● Business: Do you often find yourself wanting to compete with another woman’s business because you want to be better? Do you ever feel the need to want to sabotage another woman’s business because they might be doing better than you?
● Relationship and family life: Do you find yourself judging other women in their personal relationships and family lives? Are you constantly nitpicking and fault finding with women around you? Do you find that you seldom have something positive to say about another woman’s private life?
Well, the root causes behind these examples are entirely psychological and have to do more with the way we feel about ourselves than we do about others. So what’s the biggest factor that’s affecting us internally and hampering us from being deeply and truly happy and supportive towards our fellow womenfolk? The answer can be found in low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Ask yourself: How can I appreciate another woman’s beauty if I don’t feel attractive? How can I appreciate another woman’s success in business if I feel like I will always fail? How can I be happy about another woman’s relationship and family life if I’ve always been unhappy in my own relationships?
So now that we have identified the problem as an internal one, we can find ways of improving our perspective by trying the following:
● Balanced self-love: Begin to look within and find things that you like about yourself. Strike out the negatives and focus on the positive features and attributes both internal as well as external. Remind yourself that every “body” or “face” is different. Being unique is what will make you stand out. Learn to love yourself for who you are and not what you think other people want you to be. This takes practice and won’t happen overnight so be patient. Flood yourself with positive quotes about self-love and acceptance. When you love yourself, nothing anyone else has to say about you will affect you.
● Rid yourself of toxicity: Stay away from people who are negative and encourage you to be negative towards other people. If you feed negative energy, you will never be able to be truly happy about yourself, much less about others. Surround yourself with women who genuinely uplift and support other women. This, in turn, will allow you to be more naturally supportive of your sisters.
● Bombard yourself with good news about other women: While you may feel that you can never be as attractive or as successful as some other women, remember that this is only in YOUR mind. We all have something different and unique to bring to the table and who knows what another sister finds attractive about you?! So find and embrace the success stories of other women. After a while, you will find it very difficult to be negative or mean to your fellow woman.
Remember ladies, change takes time and must first come from within. Once you have identified what’s holding you back, you can confront it and start to heal in a positive way. Once you boost your self-esteem and self-confidence, learning to appreciate, love and show genuine support towards other women will become second nature.
Alicia Roopnaraine is a Psychologist. You can send questions or comments to her at aliciaroopnaraine@gmail.com
