“For 19 years I have been living with HIV and I see the good and the bad in people. …Friends do more for me than family and I just have to thank God because is He keeping me,” a mother of four told me in a recent conversation.
“But you see with this coronavirus, things get worse for me because my partner die and I get put out from the house and I had nowhere to go really. I move in with a relative but then, you know, the whole discrimination thing, she put me out and I had nowhere to go. But thank God is a friend who now helping me.”
Her statement underscored the double whammy that the COVID-19 pandemic has dealt persons living with HIV. They are more vulnerable to the virus because of their already weakened immune system and many are fearful of going out but staying home is not an option.
“Is a place now I trying to get. Thank God I get a lil job and I does draw a salary. It hard, yes, but what can I do? I just have to try to live. Once I got life I have to try and live somehow. With this corona now, I don’t go anywhere, from work is home for me because I don’t want to contract that because for me it more deadly than HIV. I does have to go to work, so I does sanitise and wear me mask all the time,” she continued.
“Before the corona, I used to go out a bit but now it help to taper a little and I saving a bit more and is a good thing because I need the money because right now I have to look for a place. Look, if I think about everything that happening to me, I would go into depression. But I can’t let that happen because what will that do? I not ready to die, so I have to do everything I can to stay alive.
“I on treatment and thank God even though the corona here I still getting me medication and so on and I just trying to budget me self,” she added purposefully.
It has been just about 17 years since she found out she was HIV positive, but she believes she contracted the virus 19 years ago.
“Is somebody I meet, and you know I had two children and I say maybe this is the one I could start me life over and just live happy. We start living together and I get pregnant and had me first child [for him].
“But you know in that time you didn’t have to do the HIV test when you pregnant, so the baby born, and I think everything was okay. But is when I get pregnant with the second child for he is then I get to find out because I had to do the test.
“You see the day when I find out I break down and I cry, and I cry. I feel so hurt and I thought that was it for me, but I get some counselling from the nurse and then I went home. They tell me that I would have to use medication because you know by then I was so far gone. But at first I didn’t want to use it because I didn’t tell me children father anything and I didn’t want him to find out, so I did not take it,” she shared. I asked her why she did not tell her then husband about her positive status.
“Well I did believe is he give me, but I didn’t want when I tell he that he would say is I have it and I give to it he. But deep down I know it was he who give me.
“I get to confirm this when lil after he get very sick; like he was coughing and spitting blood and so and I know is TB he had. He had to go to the doctor and when them tell he that he have to take a HIV test he admit that he already know he had it, but that he didn’t want tell me nothing. The people talk to he very sternly and tell he shouldn’t do that because now not only me get it but he children and all could get it,” she recalled.
“Both of we start taking the medication but like he was too far gone, and it didn’t really help he. He get more and more sick and I think maybe is because of how I treat he too, because I did so vex and I thinking about me child that I breast feed and I was sure that she get it and thing had me so bad that I didn’t treat he good.
“He dead soon after and I forgive he and so but that was it. Life get more hard for me because he family make sure I had to move out from the house we been living. Even at the wake they telling people that he dead from AIDS and I had to tell them to stop it because you know people would done say if he had it then I have it and is not for them to tell people about me status,” she said angrily.
“And when he dead I had to deal with whether me daughter have it or not, because I know the second child would not get it because I did not breast feed and they did give he the mother-to-child [prevention] medication.
“After he dead I pick up with somebody else. I meet he in the support group and he had it too. One day I notice things coming out on me daughter skin and I had to carry her to get test and it come back positive. I start to cry, and she ask me why I crying but I couldn’t tell she anything, I didn’t know what to say.
“Is till when we get home and I telling my fiancé that he sit she down and tell she. She did small so she didn’t cry or anything, but she tell we not to tell anybody. She start to use the liquid medication and thank God she never get sick or anything but as she get big she would tell me that she wish she didn’t have it.
“Now she living with somebody who did also born with it and she working and going to college, so she doing well for she self. I sure she does get bad days but I still thankful that she trying to live this life and make the best out of it,” she shared.
“And things did going good for me, you know. I was living with me fiancé. He really help me and my two younger children out a lot. My two big children, well they big and move on. It was me, he and me son was living when he now get sick. He used to cry out for this pain in his stomach and then I don’t know if it is heart or something give out but he just dead. He was older than me, but it is not that he get sick with sores on he skin, or he get fine or so; he just dead.
“Again I had to move out because it was family house we used to live in and as soon as he dead he family say I had to move. I try to get a lil lodging by one of me relatives, but she tell me I have to move out and now is a friend keeping me until I find somewhere to rent. Thank God for me job.
“I did tell me brothers and sisters them after I know me status and I could tell you all a them discriminate against me. Sometimes when you go by them they would give thing in sanitary cups and plates and they didn’t even want you by them. So I don’t go any more.
“I want people to know that they must not discriminate against people like me because we is human just like you. And sometimes is the same people who you discriminate against have to turn around and help you. Leh me tell you, I had a neighbour who use to torment me, telling me how I get AIDS and you know she get sick and is me who had to turn around and help she, clean she and so till she dead. So people have to treat other people better.
“And people who have HIV have to try and take care of themselves, take your medication and adhere to it. Only you can help you to live,” she advised.
Persons living with HIV/AIDS who are experiencing difficulties during this pandemic period can contact the Empire Plus Network formally the Guyana Community of Women and Girls Living with HIV (GCWAG) on 6932817.
Head of the network Marlyn Cameron said while they are unable to meet physically as was done prior to COVID-19 she tries to give support in whatever form she can even if it is just to refer persons who are suffering from depression for counselling.
“Many of the calls I get are from people who are going into depression because the corona make it so much harder for them; a lot of them don’t even have things to eat,” she said sadly.
She stressed that it is important for family members to support those who are living with HIV and called for more education so that people could understand more about the virus.
“A lot of family members do not understand what is HIV so they stigmatise people,” she added.
“But I want to tell them to be kind, those people need love too. All of us can do our part,” Cameron said.
The next Women Chronicles column will be published on January 10, 2020. Happy holidays and remember to stay safe.
