Dear Editor,
According to Article 3 of the UN Guidelines for Alternative Care of Children, “The family is the best place for a child and all efforts should be made to enable children to grow up and remain within family-based care.” While children are better off at home, it is also concerning that many cases of child abuse, including neglect occurs at home. ChildLinK’s 2016 position paper, An Analysis of the Nature and Extent of Institutionalization of Children in Guyana, posited that boys who were placed in institutional care were more likely than girls to be placed there for physical abuse. Additionally, 52 percent of the child neglect cases reported to the CPA from 2012 to 2016 were boys according to a 2017 ChildLinK position paper: Child Neglect in Guyana. These position papers indicated that boys are being abused in the home resulting in them being separated from their biological families and potentially harming the bond that should be established in the home. There is a need for more conversations to be had surrounding the importance of bonding between the child/children and their parent(s). Today my article focuses on the care of boys to highlight that boys too need to grow up in loving and caring families. Boys who share a healthy relationship with their mothers from their early childhood are emotionally strong and are believed to have less behavioral problems in their lives. The strong bond between the mother and son makes him feel secure and confident.
Studies indicate that boys who do not have a healthy bond with their mom in early childhood could be hostile and aggressive in their later years, or insecure in relationships and establishing goals, among others. Dr. Pasco Fearon from the School of Psychology and Clinical Language Sciences, University of Reading, says, “Children with insecure attachments to their mothers, particularly boys, had significantly more behavioral problems, even when the behavioral problems were measured years later.” The mother is the primary caretaker of a child in his early childhood. The first physical and emotional relationship between the mother and son is established between the two immediately after birth. The child depends on the mother for almost everything, and this secure attachment with the mother forms the foundation for a strong bond. With this in mind and this being a proven fact by many parents over the years, mothers bare the huge responsibility of supporting the growth and development of boys. It must be noted that in the Childcare and Protection Agency (CPA) annual reports, more boys experience physical abuse compared to girls and that mothers are more likely to be the perpetrators of physical abuse against their sons. For example, in 2020, of the 690 cases of physical abuse reported to the CPA, 432 or 63 percent of the victims were boys.
ChildLinK Guyana has done extensive work over the years with cases of young boys who have difficult relationships with their mothers. One such instance was with a teenager who had been separated from his parents. It was his choice that he lived in an institution as a result of his running away from home. This was a unique development to the case workers at ChildLinK since it is hardly ever that a young man chooses to live in an institution rather than his home. He felt that there was more opportunity to grow and socialize in the institution than at home where everyone was either much older or much younger than he was. However, the institution closed down shortly after and the young man had to return home. It was recorded that the young man was fearful of his mother since she was quick to share lashes. ChildLinK held counselling sessions with the father, mother and son focusing on the importance of effective communication among many other challenges in the relationship. Contributing to the difficult situation at home, the mother and father had a very toxic relationship which resulted in the children not having any form of a relationship with their father which they craved.
The CPA case workers ensured family bonding sessions were held which allowed them to communicate without fear and it allowed both the son and mother to say truthfully and respectfully how they feel, what they want and what they hope to achieve. They were encouraged to develop goals with and for each other. These counselling and bonding sessions subsequently allowed the young man and his mother to feel more comfortable around each other and both felt more understood and heard. The bonding and counselling sessions also allowed the father and mother to understand the importance of their being civil with each other in the interest of their children’s wellbeing. This example shows that counselling contributed to stronger bonding and how critical they are to help the relationship between parents and children, in this case a mother and son. Many times in life we get so caught up in our own lives and all it entails that we don’t notice how our actions and words affect our children. It is very important that we as parents understand and listen to our children for they will grow up into adults who can and most likely will repeat the same behaviours and cycles that we have them endure. All parents and children should know that this type of help is available; many parents and children do experience difficulties in their relationship and accessing this type of support is simply one phone call away to a counsellor in the CPA or ChildLinK.
Best regards,
Khadidja Ba
Communications Officer
ChildLinK Inc.
