Regardless of the day and year, an issue that remains alarmingly constant is the occurrence of sexual assault. While civil society and government agencies continue to push forward awareness campaigns and interventions, often it can feel as if they are hitting a brick wall. The returns from these initiatives move forward alarmingly slow while the rates of violence seem to steadily increase in frequency and brutality. It becomes even direr when we consider that these acts are merely the ones that we are aware of, as the majority of sexual assault cases occur in the confines of homes, community and professional spaces where reports never see the light of day.
It is understood that change is non-linear and can often occur in sporadic bursts rather than sustained action. Examining the conversations, work and occurrences surrounding sexual violence from the past few decades however, often makes me wonder how far we have really come.
Lack of relevant resources, political will and support have long been tagged as hindrances to the progress in tackling sexual assault and other facets of gender based violence. While positive contribution in these areas will certainly assist in propelling us a bit further than we currently are, the reality is that a lot of it would mean very little if it is that the attitudes surrounding violence remain intact. These attitudes largely shape the policies that are implemented, the support that is provided and the harmful behaviours that people continue to exhibit.
Negative or misinformed beliefs and attitudes towards consent have continued to shape the way in which survivors and those vulnerable to sexual violence are viewed. Gender stereotypes we continue to play into concerning the role of men and women in relationships have normalized a lot of predatory and abusive behaviour. Young boys and men are constantly taught to view women as sexual objects and prizes to be won. There is the belief that if a woman freely and easily consents to sex that she is loose and immoral, while the more she resists their advances, the better a person she is. These beliefs play into a dangerous Madonna-whore complex that sees continued abuse and fetishizing of women and girls. This complex divides them into the categories of nurturing women who are seen as “pure” and sexually liberated women who are seen as “impure.” What these stereotypes unfortunately help to do is maintain the harmful perception that women’s resistance must be constantly worn down and that which is freely given is not to be trusted. I used to consider it very odd the way men would frame consensual sex or “easy” women as being undesirable as partners, but at the core of it, this all plays into the gender stereotypes of males as aggressive pursuer and women as docile caretakers. This is why there remains such a stark moral objection against sex work and the fact that sex workers can be raped. Many believe that because a woman provides sex as a service that they must consent to all sexual acts at all times, but a sex worker does not give up the right of control over their bodies just because of the service they provide. They have as much right as anyone else to withdraw or deny consent at any time.
If one has to wear down someone’s resistance, use substances to make them more pliable or manipulate them into having sex, that is not consent but part and parcel of sexual coercion and assault. Given the power dynamics that is often at play between sexual partners, it is also important to be in tune with the non-verbal cues that someone might not be comfortable with sex. Often, persons despite being uncomfortable, engage in sexual activities because they feel pressured or unsafe and fear the consequences that might come with saying no.
Consent given once does not mean that consent is given for all future sexual interactions. The belief that once one has engaged in sex with someone or when they are in a relationship or marriage means that that person now has ownership over their bodies is something that we need to urgently do away with. It contributes towards many women being raped by their partners and husbands but being unable or reluctant to identify it as that because they have been raised with the belief that their bodies are not their own.
Regardless of one’s relationship status, women and all others maintain the right to make decisions with their body as they see fit.
