The rules are finally being relaxed after a long seven months in isolation. Though we were allowed to only meet with one household, my paranoia got the best of me. I also saw our other household bubble twice.
Isolation is gruelling even for those who claim they are home bodies. Having your partner as your only friend in lockdown, despite how rich and fruitful the relationship is, is still tough because we were not meant to only interact with one person; we weren’t meant to be so stagnant.
This week, I tagged along on a work trip with my husband, despite still working from home and it felt like a slice of heaven. The freedom of sitting for a tea by myself in the city was exhilarating. Seeing something new and doing a little discovery alone felt liberating.
One would think after such a long period of isolation I would be dying to be in a crowd but I simply missed the opportunity to just be; not discussing cases, numbers or mulling over the fear of new variants. While this pandemic and periods of lockdown have helped me to appreciate the smaller details in my marriage and friendships, it has certainly also shown me that time with self is just as important for these relationships to thrive. The freedom to roam with less restrictions feels more desirable.
I have always found the narratives surrounding the ideal marriage to be toxic. Religious leaders would sometimes refer to marriages as the process of two becoming one, which insinuates the need for individual identity and space to somehow evaporate. How could getting rid of parts of you be seen as the key to anything good? If you both think the same way and do the same things how do you learn and grow as a couple?
Apart from that, a lack of time apart means you both have no private outlets to unplug resulting in a continuous compilation of everyday stressors. Time alone helps you to recognise these stressors and process them with more thought.
I was really fortunate to get to tag along with my husband. And I acknowledge that time alone doesn’t necessarily mean going to a whole different city but rather enjoying something without being disturbed, questioned or interrupted. It means enjoying something that you like and not having to justify it because you are afraid the other party isn’t enjoying it as much.
Time alone is not a sign of weakness nor is it to be interpreted as disinterest. Rather, it is a marker of a healthy relationship be it marriage, friendship, mom life or whatever. We must remember we are individuals first before anything else.
