In March of this year my husband and I lived through our worst nightmare. His parents had both contracted COVID-19. In the instant that we found out we were both filled with fear and anger. Fear because we felt helpless as we were both miles away and anger because they contracted it from letting their guard down.
We were also angry because we both had gone through a brutal 24-hour car journey to spend Christmas with them that involved holding in our urge to urinate so we wouldn’t make too many unnecessary stops, cycling through the snow to run errands prior to leaving as opposed me taking any form of public transport and of course undergoing mandatory COVID-19 testing to ensure we weren’t carriers. There was an unhealthy mix of negative emotions coupled with the reality that they were already feeling guilt.
They had hosted an intimate indoor dinner party with a few friends, two of whom were the parents of my husband’s childhood best friend who also happened to be a doctor attached to the COVID ward at one of Romania’s largest hospitals. We scratched our heads wondering why a group that would have been privy to so much information would not take precautions.
Was it because they had gone a year plus without contracting the virus and thought that their group friends were in the clear since no one was sick? Was it because the media dealt with COVID deaths as mere numbers and there was no personalization of loss attached to those stories? Was it because officials played down the guidelines? A senior policeman was also at the dinner party. Was it because of the obscene amount of corruption in Romania and distrust between state and citizenry? Had they been influenced by the ridiculous amounts of COVID conspiracy theories on their social media feeds or through friendly neighbourhood chats? Was it because we had journeyed there safely a few months earlier that they measured it against their likelihood of contracting it? Had they reached their exhaustion point of no social contact even though they saw us a few months ago?
I sat for days thinking, wondering while trying to support my husband as we made arrangements to have their house sanitized and ensure that they were well taken care of at the hospital. I reflected on their vaccine hesitancy even after they faced this beast of a virus that has already claimed millions of lives. We both knew we had our work cut out for us to ensure their safety and inoculation.
We have been overwhelmed with information throughout this pandemic. Guidelines have changed many times which essentially shook people’s confidence. At the very beginning, the practice of wearing masks was actually discouraged. Along with pent up demand for human contact this added frustration and a chance for the manipulation of information by the media and political opposition.
I have learnt that anger will not get people to do what you want, but rather understanding how they are influenced and tackling those factors head on. We were lucky to have a specialist doctor a phone call away to answer questions or concerns they had which allowed for a boost of their trust.
Parents in general don’t like to be told they were wrong. In societies such as Moldova (former USSR) authority and hierarchy rules run deep even in family spaces and it is important to understand how they work so you can achieve what you want. Allow elders to believe they are making their own decisions.
We boxed my husband’s parents in. Withholding family visits for fear of their safety while explaining our reasons but still giving them space to make their decisions. The family visits mean the world to them so we used it as an incentive to push them to get vaccinated
The pandemic hasn’t disappeared and it will be a very long time until things can go back to normal and while vaccination is a step in the right direction, understanding and communicating why that step is so crucial remains our biggest task. While we may all feel rage over how this pandemic has prolonged and how people have behaved, allowing anger to dominate will take us nowhere.
