I have always found the word no, a hard one to roll off of my tongue. I am either saddled with guilt or overwhelmed by the fear of disappointing or sometimes a mixture of both.
Many of us weren’t raised with the concept of boundaries. In our home and institutions, we were geared to fear when it came to standing up for ourselves. Licks, being called ‘own-way’ and using power to subjugate hardly ever carves out room for people to negotiate, leaving society with re-vamped bullies with no concern for boundaries and people who imagine this to be the only way in life.
Saying no is particularly hard for Black women, who are usually somehow expected to come through for everyone even when it is detrimental to their own well-being. The myth of the strong Black women is damaging. They are likened to human beings who can withstand pain, pressure, abuse and still be expected to turn around and teach everyone else how to treat them.
It is one of the reasons why Simone Biles no longer competing in the Tokyo Olympics felt like a disgrace to many. Comments like but she is an athlete and has been doing this for years and she looks so strong continue to flood my social timelines. Ringing into the reality of what we all know: athletes and particular Black athletes don’t have the luxury of feeling pain or showing their vulnerabilities.
It further plays into how conditioned we are to exhausting ourselves to please others. It is almost like we want people to exhaust themselves because it comes so naturally to us. Simone did several brave things just by saying no and it was much more for me.
Greatness exists in our weaknesses
The most important thing anyone could ever do is listen to their needs and be decisive when it comes to ensuring they are met. Whether it is bringing home a gold medal for your country or working tirelessly for the appeasement of your parents’ wishes, neither is more important than putting yourself first. Simone gave us a lesson in the reality that there is no trade off or waiver to be made when it comes to safeguarding yourself.
Mental health normalization
From Meghan Markle to Naomi Osaka to Simone Biles mental health has gotten the much needed attention it rightly deserves. It takes an immeasurable amount of strength and love to share your vulnerabilities; to admit when you are not in your top spirits to continue.
Hearing it from people with an incredible amount of influence makes it easier for so many to trust their own reasons. It makes getting help feel a bit normal.
It makes treating it more acceptably, and for those who struggle to recognise it, it makes it a whole lot easier. Seeing women of colour and Black women in particular owning these realities deserves its own gold medal
Simone’s no was a lesson to all of us.
We do ourselves great harm when we fail to listen to our own voices. We cause further damage when we continue to project perfection even when it destroys us. No is a word just like yes and we should all be becoming more comfortable using it to ensure we lead happier and healthier lives.
