There are influential members of society who will never condemn or advocate against sexual harassment and rape of women. Sometimes it is because they are culpable. Society continues to forgive sexual predators, thereby enabling them to continue the destruction and degeneration of our communities.
There are men I once respected that I had to sever relationships with because their behaviour was inappropriate. Exhausted and disturbed by the lengths some would go to harass women, I have found that often my anger has been replaced by pity because I have recognised that many sexual predators will never find peace since they are hurt children in the bodies of men who refuse to seek help. Some are psychologically disturbed and do not believe their behaviours are problematic. Egotism leads to many men misconstruing women’s kindness. And even when women set their boundaries, they will continue to harass them and, in some cases, try to sully their characters.
The rape culture in Guyana is rife. The belief that women are objects to be harassed and abused appears to be sanctioned by some unwritten law. Many parents do not prepare their daughters for this and often their sons are not trained to reject it. All the progress we have made in this world for women’s rights and the many empowered women who have rose to prominence seem to have not resulted in a decline of sexual harassment and rape.
It occurs in the places where we should be safe, like our homes, institutions of learning, places of worship, and workspaces. It is conspicuously displayed on the streets. Sexual harassment is the main reason I avoid walking on the streets as much as possible and will not visit certain areas. But when it cannot be helped, I am constantly subjected to sexual harassment like many other women. These incidents are not only annoying, but they create anger and fear. In this degenerative society, there are men brazen enough to grab women and girls on the street with no fear of consequences. Sexual predators trap women behind closed doors and violate them. Women have had to run for safety, and some have been raped and are living with the trauma. Women have remained silent because they fear further humiliation. This happens to women of all backgrounds and even empowered women often remain silent because they are afraid society will judge them instead of admonishing the men. Some will even say that the women are culpable in being sexually harassed and raped. These are some reasons women often stay quiet. There is also the fear that no one will believe them. The Guyanese men who harass women can be found in every profession, every religion, and every social class. They are married and single, young, and old.
It is evident that many Guyanese men do not respect women. They have a sense entitlement, and it also indicates that they cannot control their urges and believe that their behaviours are acceptable. Because the rape culture is so normalized, many of these men feel empowered to harass and humiliate women because they know that there will be no consequences. The society constantly forgives them by pretending they do not see it or by excusing it. Their relatives make excuses for them. They have seen their fathers, uncles, brothers, and men in their communities practice these destructive behaviours for so long and so often without making a conscious choice, they also become those men.
It is apparent that we need more male role models. Unfortunately, in many communities’ boys will never have the guidance and mentorship of men of integrity. They become teenagers and men who have not been equipped with the tools to control their urges and taught how to respectfully approach women.
I was aghast and agitated after an episode of sexual harassment on the street this week. Protecting my peace means not allowing the actions of others to anger me or cause me to live in fear, but I could not help but be upset. I was followed by a man and questioned about my body while there were spectators who said nothing because it was just another “normal” occurrence to see a woman being harassed on the street. We often think that if we ignore them, they will stop; if we just greet them and keep walking, they will stop. But it does not stop. The catcalling, describing of our bodies, saying what they wish to do to our bodies, inviting themselves to our homes, insisting that we give them our phone numbers, offering to take care of us even after we would have respectfully declined, it never stops.
Besides the annoyance, these episodes also represent threats to our safety. There have been times I had to quickly strategize how I would defend myself against a man who was approaching me in an aggressive manner. There have been times when men have felt emboldened enough to touch me without consent. I have experienced sexual harassment from teenaged boys to elderly men. This is the story of many Guyanese women. We are so conditioned in this culture that there are even women who embrace it. Men can make disparaging remarks and instead of rebuking them, they laugh and accept it as a compliment. The women who stand and speak are often met with verbal abuse or threatened with violence.
A few weeks ago, someone stopped their vehicle to speak to me. I was shocked when I realized who it was. It was a someone who was accused of raping a child. A feeling of anxiety came over me. I had seen the signs in my brief interaction with this individual that he was predatory. But there he was driving and smiling, and emboldened because I am sure he will never see a day in prison for violating a child. We continue to fail women and children in this society.
Changing this culture must begin in the home with positive role models in the lives of children. In their formative years, most of what children know is what they are taught. Teach our boys to be respectful. Teach them to be upstanding citizens. Train them to accept “no” as meaning “no” the first time.
There must be collaborative efforts in every community. The voices of influential upstanding men can help to change the predatory behaviours of some men and dissuade younger ones from walking the predatory path.
We do not need more sexual predators in our society. Women are tired.
