Sixty-two-year-old Debra Davis is a woman of many stories. She does not look at you while she speaks. Whether she is talking about taking care of her grand-children and her grandnieces and nephews or how she loves the kitchen, her head remains bent.
She tells you part of her life’s story in a matter of fact manner and while some of it may have a funny ring, she does not laugh. She is a woman of little means but when her 38-year-old niece died suddenly she knew she had to do something for her minor children. They are with her and while it has been a struggle she would have no other way.
A lover of the kitchen, this janitor is always looking for ways to make others happy. One of her co-workers attested to this fact, as she told me while Davis has the least among them she always shares whatever she whips up in her kitchen.
It was through this co-worker I learnt of Davis, who agreed to speak with me and share some of her life’s experiences. For her it was just about an ordinary woman sharing how she has navigated this life’s journey and while she is not where she wants to be (she would love to have her own home) it has not been all bad.
Davis is the mother of adult sons who are 39 and 29 years old. She cares for five minor children, including a five-year-old boy and twin girls. Three of the children are the offspring of her favourite niece who died earlier this year of a massive heart attack.
At one time, she also cared for great nephew’s children before they went into the care of their mother. He was murdered almost a year ago and was considered her favourite nephew as well.
“Since I am growing up, I am always a family [oriented] person. I come from a large family by my father’s side. I didn’t grow with my mom, but I know my mom she used to be around. I grow with my great, great aunt… I like sticking with my family. I like having fun with my family…,” she said.
Her father, a former soldier, she said, was “a sweet boy” and he had a lot of children. I asked her how many and she responded, “nuff, we nuff, we plenty”. Her great aunt did not have children and “as the women dump [the children] she took over”.
While she wanted a large family, Davis said it was never her intention to have many children as she saw how this could affect persons.
“Since I growing up I always wanted two children, but I say I would open my doors to my rest of family,” she said.
Caring for the children can be difficult at times, but Davis said God gives her the strength. Her 87-year-old mother, who lives with her now, also assists with taking care of the children. Davis is one of three children for her mother and the only girl. She said even at this age, her mother does a lot to assist in the home. However, Davis ensures that she prepares the meals and that the two school-aged children are ready for school before she leaves for work.
Her niece died in March and Davis recalled the devastation she felt when she received the news at work.
“She was not sick, she just had a massive heart attack and she died sudden,” she said.
“She was my pet. She and my nephew that died, they were my pets. I had a bond with those two kids, I had a real good bond other than my kids, they were a part of my life,” she said, shaking her head sadly.
She said she felt obligated to take care of their children.
“I could tell you that all two of them if they aunty want something or something happen to me they were always there…,” she said sadly.
She quickly added that she loves her other nieces and nephews, but maintained the two were her pets.
Miserable
When she was younger, Davis did a short national service stint, then moved to the army but went absent without leave (AWOL) when she felt she had enough.
“It was getting miserable… It was fun but it got miserable,” she said when I asked why she went AWOL.
Since then, she said, she has done a lot of things to survive.
“I still had to maintain a family and had some children off the streets too that I used to help at one time. So I had to do, you know, any odds and ends hustle to survive; different things, sell, did illegal things and legal things,” she told me.
I asked her what illegal things she did but she quickly said, “Don’t leh we go into dah part”.
Davis said she never wanted to get married and the children she referred to as being off the streets were the four sons of a friend who could no longer take care of them.
“I needed freedom. I needed peace. I needed happiness and I had enough happiness around me. I had my children, my nieces and my nephews,” she shared.
Davis said that from what she has seen around her she did not believe she would have achieved the above if she had married.
“I experience a lot, a lot sis. I experience it with friends. I see it with family. I see it with strangers,” she said referring to the marriages around her.
Both of her sons are for one man, but she never thought of becoming that man’s wife.
“That was not at the head of the table. I just wanted the children,” she said, adding that the man did not play a major role in their sons’ lives.
Davis knows she will soon have to leave her job because of her age and believes something will work out.
“Is two things, time will come when I have to leave here and time will come when I have to die. I just ask the Almighty to keep me until the children become independent and they don’t have to depend pun nobody,” she said.
“They must be able to wash they clothes, clean they skin, cook they food and so on and make right decisions for themselves,” she continued.
Her sons still live with her, and “I still cook for them,” she added.
Homebody
A homebody, Davis said she just tries to be happy and on the weekends she tries to do something fun for herself.
“I really like cooking. I would try anything that come on the stove to cook. I does stay home Sunday and make special meals. I like cooking a great lot. I like to be happy. I don’t want to be sad and grow old, sad and pale. So I does enjoy the best I can, that’s life I can’t change nothing more,” Davis said.
She has seen good and bad in this life and her one regret is not “becoming more educated”. She does not blame anyone for this, as according to her, while in school, “I start behaving a lil bad. Not bad with boys and dem things. I just used to do me own thing, you know. When you parents tell you don’t there, you gone. I make a choice on me own and I went in the national service,” she added.
She was 15 years old when she joined the now defunct Guyana National Service and then she went to the army before going AWOL at the age of 22.
She believes that if she was more educated she would have led a better quality of life, but she added “You don’t look back…”
She is not satisfied that she is not living in her own home, but said she is not discontented and she is not dishonest.
Debra Davis might not have it all, but she is a woman with a big heart and I can only wish her well and hope that she remains strong for the minor children in her care.