After years of trying, La Trisha Layne got pregnant and had just begun looking forward to motherhood when 12 weeks into her pregnancy she suffered a miscarriage and soon found that there was no support for the crippling grief she endured. Almost in a state of hopelessness, she took matters into her own hands and formed the Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Support Group.
That was in February and the group now has some 11,000 members who offer support, resource materials and other information to the many women who sometimes grieve in silence over the loss of an unborn child.
Layne, a 29-year-old registered nurse who is Guyanese but has been living in Barbados since she was a child, knows the need for support more than anyone else; two months after her first miscarriage she suffered a second one. She became pregnant for the third time shortly after, but her son did not make it to full term. Christopher Jnr was born prematurely and remains in a neonatal ward as he continues to receive round-the-clock care. During a zoom interview with Stabroek Weekend, Layne candidly shared her journey which was filled with pain and tears — joyful ones today as she watches her baby boy grow stronger with each passing day and hopes he will be home by the end of January.
Layne’s painful journey has opened the door to thousands of women around the world sharing and she hopes more people can understand how painful miscarriages are for women. She believes that this grief is often misunderstood as there is the belief that women can just move on and try again.
Suffered
Layne and her husband, Christopher, faced infertility for about three years as they were unsuccessful in becoming pregnant. But in December last year they found out that they were pregnant.
“For me, that was the most exciting day of my life because we had been trying for so long and after all these hurdles… this was to me a miracle. After being told it is not easy to get pregnant, you can’t get pregnant, to see that positive on that pregnancy test was the best day of my life,” Layne said.
The excited couple started to prepare for the life that would have changed their world. But on January 20, when she was just about 12 weeks pregnant, Layne suffered a miscarriage and she described it as the worst day of her life.
She was excited approaching the 12-week mark as she had been told that once she passed the first trimester, everything would be fine.
“For me to be so close and for that to happen, it completely broke me and it was a traumatic event because I was at work at the hospital when it happened…,” she recalled.
Layne said she was working at the hospital as normal when she felt a small pain that she initially thought was normal. She had seen her doctor a week earlier and had heard her baby’s heartbeat; everything was fine up to that point.
“On that fateful day, when I got to work I could not have imagined that something like that would have happened…,” she recalled.
The dull pain continued and she remembered going to her ward sister who also did not think it was serious and felt that maybe Layne’s uterus was putting pressure on her bladder. Layne was given two Panadol tablets. Later she realised she was spotting and grew worried as it did not seem normal.
“I remember that within the span of minutes, the pain started to intensify and the bleeding started to get worse…and I went back to my ward sister and told her I think something is wrong… as soon as I said that, I felt a gush of blood and after that I started what I didn’t know were contractions,” Layne said.
She was wheeled to the labour room of the hospital as she continued to bleed heavily, but she was crying out to God to save her baby. During that time it was her ward sister who was at her side because even though her husband was called he was not allowed into the ward.
“It was really painful and traumatic. It was heartbreaking going through that. And eventually I passed out my baby and this happened alone while I was in the toilet, because I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I just felt something come out and when I looked down it was a small little embryo. But it was already formed, hands, feet, little small fingers, toes, eyes, everything and it was so tiny, still within the sack… I was almost in disbelief of what I was seeing…,” she said.
She was hospitalised as she had to undergo surgery and the next couple of days were an almost out- of-body experience, as she felt like a spectator watching from a distance.
Loneliness
Layne said what she felt most following the miscarriage was loneliness.
“Yes there were persons around me like my family, my husband, that were supportive, trying to give me words of encouragement [and] trying to be there for me. But they didn’t quite understand exactly what I was going through…,” she recalled.
She described the days after she was discharged from the hospital as being filled with tears as she was engulfed by this feeling of loneliness. In desperation, she went online looking for support but found a paucity of such groups and it was hard to get into them.
“I remember saying to myself, well this is not right, there should be a space where women can easily find and get support from other women who are going through this. And I remember sitting down that day and crying my eyes out and I remember praying to God and asking for a solution…,” she shared.
At that point, Layne said, she picked up her laptop and started to create a group. Looking back, she is still amazed that she actually took matters into her own hands.
As she did, she told her husband that she was creating a safe group where women could, “vent, talk about our feelings, ask each other questions and [for] advice and you know somebody may be able to tell their story and someone else might be able to get some ease from that story…”
Layne said she thought at that moment that even if she reached a few women it would have been fine as together they would have been able to form a safe space where they could grieve openly, be themselves and understand each other.
She has found that miscarriage is a taboo topic in society and when it is mentioned people just shut down as if they are scared to talk about it or just don’t know what to say. As a result it has become an issue that is not really spoken about and that is why women end up suffering in silence. It was that silence she wanted to break when she created that virtual safe space.
Apart from women sharing and giving advice, Layne said, she also posts educational tips on what happens during a miscarriage, what can lead miscarriage among others. In the first two days, she just had about ten members and as the days went by more requests were made. Even as the group grew, Layne said, she was saddened as she realised the number of women who are suffering.
But at the same time, she felt a sense of joy that they now have a space where they are not alone and have people they can lean on, who can help and support them.
“And now we have over 11,000 members worldwide,” Layne said.
When women joined they automatically shared their stories, as in her description of the group she informed that members have a safe space to vent if they are angry, sad or frustrated as they go through the grieving process. They are also encouraged to reach out to each other or ask questions as someone in the group might have the answer.
There are other resources that are posted that the women have access to. Some have also done research within the group.
“So it is something [that] spread way more than I expected and a lot of women post even daily how grateful and how thankful they are that a space like that was created for them to come and be able to express themselves…,” she said.
Tried again
Layne disclosed that she tried getting pregnant again in March, but suffered another loss and then found she was pregnant again in April.
“I told persons God knows when the time is right. We may not know it, but He knows…,” she said, with a small laugh, adding that God teaches us life experiences.
Layne said the pregnancy was difficult and she ended up having what is known as an incompetent cervix which was causing her to dilate and go into early labour. She said her “amazing doctor” Dr Bess managed to stop the labour process twice by stitching her cervix, keeping her baby in longer and giving him a fighting chance.
“I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy on the 17th of October and he was born prematurely at 25 weeks. So he is currently in the [neonatal ward] until he gets bigger to full term because I would have been due at the end of January. So we have a little more journey to go through…,” she shared.
She explained that when babies are born that early they are released just around or a little after their due date.
Layne is at the hospital every single day, but sadly because of COVID-19 she is only allowed two hours a day with her precious son. That time has to be split with her husband since they are not allowed into the ward together.
Christopher is a micro preemie, which is the term given to a baby who is born weighing less than 750 grammes, or before 26 weeks’ gestation. Layne recalled that he was just one pound 13 ounces when he was born.
Because he was so small, all of his organs were underdeveloped. They now have to develop and strengthen and he has to gain weight. He has had infections which caused him to be placed on a ventilator and he is now graduating to a continuous positive airway pressure therapy (CPAP) machine.
So far Christopher is doing well and his mother said he has “his own little personality already” and he is referred to as Master Christopher. “He loves to smile when I talk to him and he is always moving around so I am just excited to see him grow…,” she said with a broad smile.
Rainbow pregnancy
She shared that quite a few of her members are having what is termed a rainbow pregnancy (a pregnancy after a miscarriage) and they are sharing their journey. Sharing also gives other women hope.
Layne said people are sometimes amazed at her strength during this trying year but it is her prayers to God that have kept her and her faith has grown.
“There were days when I could not have come out of bed, when I was angry, when I was so sad and depressed but prayers have brought me here and made me able to share this story,” Layne said.
“I want to be an ambassador for these things. I want to be able to talk to women and let women know that these things happen. It is not something to fear, but it happens and if it does, there should be support for women going through these things,” Layne said.
Layne worked at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital before switching to private practice and now works out of a doctor’s office.
Her journey to becoming a nurse was not a surprise as she always liked taking care of people. She jokingly recalled her family would get upset with her as she “always inserted myself in things that I had no right being in. I always had a caring spirit…even my patients tell me all the time don’t ever change, you have such a loving personality… I just want people around me to be well taken care of, that’s the kind of person I am”.
Layne loves the profession and cannot see herself doing anything else.
