“I looked at her and she was the most beautiful thing I have seen. I say beautiful thing because she was tiny like at first, I didn’t even realise it was a whole human being. I just looked at how beautiful she is. I had to pinch myself because I didn’t believe that I had a part in bringing her to life.”
The words of a young mother who recently gave birth for the first time. She and her husband are doting parents so far but like many first-time mothers, she has been coming to grips with being a mother.
“I am still very young, and you know if you had told me two years ago that I would have been a mother today I would have asked you if you were crazy. It is not that I never thought I would have been a mother, but it was not like I thought it would have been so soon,” she told me.
I asked her if she was ready for motherhood when she became pregnant.
“Not at all,” she responded quickly, with a small shy laugh.
“But I guess I had to get ready because when I found out I was pregnant I just knew I was becoming a mother. No other thought came to my mind. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I was becoming a mother. I was frightened yes because I was still growing and now, I would have someone who I am responsible for.
“But even with the fear and everything I knew the baby was coming and thankfully her father felt the same way, so I had some support.”
The pregnancy, she said, was quite uneventful.
“Yes, there was morning sickness and sometimes I couldn’t eat and all that but for most part I was good. I could say I had a good pregnancy and I had a lot of support so that was not a bad experience.
“When it was getting close to give birth I was scared because you know you hear all these stories and so I was afraid. I am not ready to talk about giving birth yet, to be honest I am still thinking about it and all the pain and is like I am getting cold sweat. Maybe another time but not right now,” she shared.
“I want to say again how happy I was when I saw my daughter. Is like I forgot all the pain. Well, then not now.
“It has only been a few weeks since she was born, and every day is like a new thing. I used to hear people say when you get a baby is your whole life is taken up. I couldn’t understand until now. Is like all I am doing is feeding her, changing her, bathing her and trying to catch some sleep when she sleeping.
“Is like I am tired all the time. Sometimes I am doing things and is like I am just doing it and I don’t know how I am doing it. Yes, I am getting help, I wouldn’t lie because I don’t know what
will happen. But like in the night when I hear her and I have to get up and feed her I am saying ‘oh gosh not again’,” she shared.
“I love my daughter. I mean when I look at her sometimes it is like my heart melts. But sometimes I feel like if I am not ready for this motherhood thing and I really get frighten. Is like I feel so overwhelmed at times and I say to myself if I can’t deal with this how I dealing with everything else when it is time to work and take care of baby and school and all them things.
“Everybody keep saying, you know, take it one day a time and just focus on the now but I does really get frighten. Like this little being is just there for me to look after, I can hardly look after myself. Sometimes I even forget that I have to bathe because is just me focusing on her and she is so little and so sweet. And other times like I would say what happen to me like I need to get some time too.
“When you see I put me head down sometimes in the night I does feel like I work and work but all I did whole day was feed baby, bathe baby, change baby, walk with baby when she crying and nothing else. Like I don’t even know if I eat or anything. I does feel so weary is only leave for me to sit down and cry. But I still have my mother and my husband who help a lot, but it does feel like too much at times,” she said candidly.
I have known this young mother all her life and we talk almost every day as she navigates this new phase of her life. I would encourage her and give advice when necessary but most of all I am just here for her when and if she needs to talk. A lot of the time she barely manages a few texts as she appears too tired to have a conversation.
“It is too much at times, but I am trying to make it. I love baby and I guess that is what matters,” she told me.
As mothers we all can relate to this mother in some form or fashion. We all have had what is called ‘baby blues’, at some point after giving birth.
According to the Mayo Clinic, symptoms of the ‘baby blues’ include:
· Mood swings
· Anxiety
· Sadness
· Irritability
· Feeling overwhelmed
· Crying
· Reduced concentration
· Appetite problems
· Trouble sleeping
We all can relate to the above at some point after giving birth and thankfully with time they pass. But there are of course much more serious symptoms; these come under postpartum depression and may need medical intervention.
The clinic said that postpartum depression may be mistaken for baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and last longer and may eventually interfere with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Symptoms usually develop within the first few weeks after giving birth but may begin earlier ― during pregnancy ― or later — up to a year after birth.
These symptoms include:
· Depressed mood or severe mood swings
· Excessive crying
· Difficulty bonding with your baby
· Withdrawing from family and friends
· Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual
· Inability to sleep (insomnia) or sleeping too much
· Overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy
· Reduced interest and pleasure in activities you used to enjoy
· Intense irritability and anger
· Fear that you’re not a good mother
· Hopelessness
· Feelings of worthlessness, shame, guilt or inadequacy
· Diminished ability to think clearly, concentrate or make decisions
· Restlessness
· Severe anxiety and panic attacks
· Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
· Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide
If there is persistence of any of these symptoms, it is advisable that the new mother seek medical intervention.
To assist in dealing with some of the stress and fatigue, as described by the new mother above new mothers are advised to:
· Take care of yourself
· Establish visiting rules
· Go with the flow
· Expect a rollercoaster of emotions
· Relax your standards
· Get out of the house
· Accept a helping hand
· Nurture other relationships
· Keep your perspective
· Know when to seek additional help
Parenting is a challenge, even on a good day. If you’re depressed or you’re having trouble adjusting to life with a newborn, consult your health care provider or a mental health provider. Learning to handle the new stress in your life can help you enjoy the riches parenting has to offer.
