Last week, my column focused on the narrative of the “perfect victim,” a sociocultural belief that is used to rank the validity of the experiences of survivors. I also recently wrote about the overestimation of false reporting, which despite their low rates remains something that is steadily brought up to disbelieve those who come forward with allegations of abuse. Several things often have to come together for someone to be considered a person who is deserving of belief. Women who do not fit the restrictive criteria that is set for what is considered a believable story, regularly face the ire of a public that continues to prioritise the lives of abusive men.
Recently, news of A New United Guyana (ANUG) member, Kian Jabour reached the public after a former partner came forward about the emotional and physical abuse she allegedly experienced at his hands. As a man who holds social, economic and a sprinkling of political power, it was not surprising to see the widespread support for Kian that was displayed. When you have certain intersecting privileges in this small pond that is Guyana, you basically become untouchable. It is important to note that this is not the first allegation of abuse that has been tabled against him. Only in 2020 a video was shared where he verbally abused a young woman and labelled her as “mentally unstable,” a tactic that is regularly utilised by the pathologically abusive. The young woman who had only recently turned 20, in a series of posts alleged that she had suffered through years of abuse by Kian, who she had shared a relationship with. Kian however has inserted himself into the role of the victim, stating that he is “once again faced with slander and manipulation by another woman.” One would be inclined to wonder about the convenience of him being made a “victim” of false reports from two separate women in less than two years.
Abuse is often termed as being a “man and woman story,” due to the fact that it is often seen as being a private matter. Ultimately, a lot of this comes down to the relationship we have with power, and how those who are considered less than are perceived based on their gender or other factors. With society’s long history of framing the abuse of women as being a fault of their own, it was not surprising, albeit disheartening to see the way many instantly came forward to support the “integrity” of the accused abuser.
Something that really stood out for me throughout that incident was the ease with which a mental health professional would label someone as not being a “true victim.” One would think that as someone who is tasked with supporting persons who experience varying levels of trauma and the way that manifests, that they would be able to recognize a woman in distress rather than spitballing about how “crazy” they are. The narrative of false reporting and who is a true victim is an incredibly damaging one that is steeped in a culture of misogynistic victim blaming. That along with other supportive friends and those who remained silent, was a classic example of how the circle of privilege closes ranks and protects those within it.
Often, friends and family would come out in support of abusers because they believe that their experiences with them are indicative of how that person truly is. Along with this narrative also comes the one of listening to “both sides,” as the abuser is often allowed to manipulate the facts to their liking and assuredly get persons to stand with them. Throughout all of this however, it is important to remember that knowing someone, no matter how well, and being intimately involved with them are two vastly different things.
Abusers do not abuse everyone that they come into contact with. They utilise their power against those they believe they should have control over. The gendered dynamics of relationships dictates that men must keep women in check and abusive men benefit tremendously from our victim blaming culture, and the pushback that often meets women’s accounts of abuse. As a result, what we continue to see is a knee-jerk reaction to dismiss women’s accounts, on the off chance that they might be lying with the intent to harm a man. The rates of false reports are consistently low, (between 2%-5%) and in alignment with the rates of false reports for other types of crimes.
There is the belief that false reports ruin the lives of men, but this is contrary to reality. Men’s lives are rarely ruined when allegations of abuse are tabled against them. It might cause them temporary embarrassment, but they are also strongly rallied around while their social and professional standing remains intact. This is not how it is usually played out for the women that report however, as they face public backlash, and can even see their social and professional lives being affected negatively. In addition to that, our policing and judicial systems are extremely triggering and traumatic and abusers (regardless of validity) are rarely ever found guilty. Given these realities, it is illogical to believe that women are itching to place false reports in order to “get back” at a man. It is a convenient excuse as to why the accounts of victims should be disbelieved though, but the next time you are inclined to speak about true victims, think about who that narrative really serves.
