This week, a sister walks us through the process of her divorce and filing for child support.
“After 18 years in my first relationship, it ended in domestic violence with a threat to my life and a protection order against my now ex-husband. We have two girl children together ages 6 and 10. “At the time of separation the kids were 2 and 6 years old. In November 2019, I filed for divorce and the maintenance of the kids was addressed by the family court,” she wrote.
“The judge informed that the kids’ maintenance needed to be sorted before the divorce could be granted. In January 2020, the matter was called and after hearing the case [my ex-husband] was tasked through an interim order to pay support in the form of $20,000 monthly per child and half of the then school fees being $52,500.
“Now this was after attempting mediation in the first instance with a mediator selected by both attorneys. [My ex-husband] never showed up for mediation whilst I would have been granted time off from work to attend. The following court day, he did not show up and I was granted time from work again. The following court date, the judge indicated if he doesn’t show the matter will proceed against him.
“In March 2020, he showed up at court and an interim order was granted as mentioned. He was also granted access to the minor children, every other weekend Saturday and Sunday between the hours and 9 and 5 which was his only request. The court then indicated that we [would] resume for the final order before the divorce in April 2020.
“In March 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic hit Guyana and the courts were closed physically and resulted in virtual hearings. The first virtual hearing was held in May, but no decision was taken because [my ex-husband] did not show. Up to that point he had only paid for February and March maintenance, which I uplifted from attorney sometime in April 2020. The matter was later fixed for July but [my ex-husband] did not pay anything else as per court order. There was no communication from [my ex-husband] on any matters regarding the kids’ maintenance despite many attempts through the attorneys.
“In September 2020, I then filed for breach of order. That matter was set down for when the judge resumed from vacation leave. I then waited until February 2021 for a date for the contempt matter to be called because of the amount of cases filed before mine that the judge had to address. Divorce was granted in May 2021 and the interim orders were made final at that time, even though no other money was paid.
“We reported to court in September 2021 when the contempt matter was set. And the judge indicated that all outstanding monies should be paid by December 8 failing [which] he would be sent to jail. Needless to say, he turned up to court and then indicated that the money was at the post office and the slips will be forwarded to my attorney. The court told him he has up to the end of the day to clear all outstanding and maintenance as per the order or face 3 days jail. I was also granted court costs.
“A few days later the slips were sent, and I was able to clear the money from the post office. The judge also indicated that because of the increased school fees the order was for him to pay his half from January 2022 and he should pay the maintenance in advance from December 15, 2021. To date I have not received a dime for maintenance of $40,000 monthly nor any of the school fees for 2022.
Kids
“During the marriage the decision was taken to send any kids we have to private school as at the time it was the best option for us, and we were both employed. The school fees [do] not include texts books, stationery, uniform, school activities, shoes, etc. Everything has to be purchased and replenished outside of the fees. After the marriage failed because of the domestic violence, I received nothing from [my ex-husband] from May 2019 up to the time the final order was granted.
“The final order was done at the end of 2021. I was living in the matrimonial home with my then husband and after the domestic violence order, I subsequently ended up renting for myself and kids since we had nowhere else to go and their school was in Georgetown. I had to find rent, all other expenses for myself and kids, caretakers to look at them whilst I was at work, after care fees in the initial instance, etc.
“After pandemic hit [my ex-husband] never attempted to see the kids after March 2020 and there was no way to communicate with him except through his attorney. He continues to live lavishly sporting and spending on friends and family. In 2020 and 2022, he threw himself two themed birthday parties with numerous cakes and treats for those invited and which he then posted to social media.
“He would post of dining and smoking and drinking at expensive establishments all the while I was struggling to make ends meet and receiving demand notices from the school for their fees of $120,000 per term. I received no support from any member of his family even after reaching out to them to intervene, no one has reached out to see the kids. I was unable to transfer the kids because they were already established in the private system and I did not want to deviate to cause further psychological harm to them by transferring them to the public system.
“I already had to deal with cutting back costs significantly, making huge sacrifices to ensure we had to enough to eat, educate, clothe and shelter us. I also had cause to attend mental health clinic weekly with the kids because of suicidal notes I found from my oldest child indicating she felt like she had no place in the world. She expressed frustration of what was happening since he had abandoned herself and sibling in the process. Several attempts made to contact [my ex-husband] on the kids’ behalf were futile. I had them dial the number themselves.
Frustration with the system
In order for [my ex-husband] to comply with the initial order of the court I have to refile for the judgement summons again, which I am now attempting to do once more. This is because the kids now have to return to school and their daily expense is rising as a result of the continuing pandemic and war resulting in rising prices.
“In my first attempt to serve [my ex-husband] in 2020 and the contempt in 2021 I had to hire a different vehicle… staking out and driving around to find him at his home and the places he visits. He even indicated to the marshal that he don’t live at the house and he was not at home, even attempting to pay them to look the other way.
The service was eventually done a few days later after making constant checks to the premises.
“Since he has not paid a dime since the last court date in December 2021, I now have to refile the judgment summons to get him to court to pay support for his own kids [who] he opted to put in private school. Upon refiling I would have to wait for a date assigned by the court which previously had taken a few months.
“It has been four years now and I am extremely frustrated that even with an order in hand I can only attempt to find and serve [my ex-husband]. Yes, the process is frustrating to us single mothers, but I will not give up because I intend for my kids to have everything they deserve, including the best education and [my ex-husband] is responsible for meeting me halfway through their development until they are 18 years old. He has the means…
“There is urgent need for the reform of the system for the benefit of the children in the system and the mental health of us hopeful mothers. We did not opt for these situations to befall us and we should not have to spend countless money to file and refile matters dealt with already in the system. The system should be made to work for us so that we can continue to nourish, educate and build a better life for the kids’ development and future without having to return to the courts every time.
“I am no victim, but all should be cognizant of the fact that this can happen to anyone, at any time, any race and from all strata of society. I hope this story helps in bringing some attention to these matters and the urgent need for the reform of the laws.”
This sister opted to write about her experience instead of having a conversation with me. Next week I will share the experience of another sister. Remember you can email your experience to me at samantha_alleyne2000@yahoo.co. You can also provide a number and you will be contacted if you prefer not to write.
