“Every month is a different story. Some months there is nothing and some other months it is not even half of what is supposed to be there. Hardly, I does get the money that he supposed to put, but I does try not to take it on because the stress does be too much.”
The words of a mother of three who was forced to take her ex-husband to court in an effort to have him consistently support his children. This is the third instalment of a three-part series detailing the difficulties women face when they attempt to hold the fathers of their children accountable for their maintenance.
“Coming to the court to get a order for him to support the children was never something I did want to do but it was like he force me to do it,” she said. “Some people would say that we bring the men to court to punish them and even he family like was vex with me because I do it.
“But what was I to do? Every two weeks he would bring like a $5,000 or something. Now I have rent to pay, children have to go to school, you have to find food for them and everything. Tell me how $10,000 a month, if at all so much, could really help?” the mother asked rhetorically.
“I would tell him that he have to give me more money for the children and he would ask me where he would find it from. Well I couldn’t tell him where to find it, but what I know the children had to live so I just had to go to court.
“I thought when I went to the court that things would get easier but I not sure if it really make a difference. But I not removing the summons because I believe it would just get worse, so I am just trying to go through with it and ask God to help me.
“He didn’t want custody of the children because he was ready to go and start another family. I was happy because I want my children with me. So, I was happy I didn’t have to fight for custody. But the children would go by him whenever he want them, I never say no. I just want he to support them.
“I take he to court and I give the magistrate all the expense for the children and I was hoping that she would really order he to do something good for the children. Well he carry he expense to and in the end the magistrate order he to pay less than $30,000 a month. That was not even rent for the house we living in. I try to argue and they even get a social worker to talk to us but he did not budge and the lady advised me to take it and then I can always apply for more so I leave it like that.
“Since then, every month is a different story. Some months he don’t put no money and he would tell the children that he don’t have. I does make sure I know he put something before I turn up because he would tell the children when he put. Sometimes is only by the grace of God we making out. COVID-19 come and I had to find internet so the children could get the schooling, he never one day ask how they getting through or nothing.
“Sometimes I does wonder how he putting he head down on the bed to sleep at night knowing that he don’t even know how he children eating, wearing or going to school. Like what he does think as a man?”
‘Feels like begging’
She continued, “And let me tell you, the court system is no help. Sometimes it does make you feel like you begging. First thing when we get divorce the judge see we have children, see he not asking for custody but didn’t even ask he or order he to maintain these children. I had no lawyer and she didn’t ask me nothing and just so the divorce happen. He don’t want custody of the children and that was it.
“Then you had to summons he and the magistrate order he to pay the little bit money for all them children. Now when it come to collecting money at the court is another story. Those girls there does really behave like they doing you a favour. Sometimes some of them mothers does cuss them out because of the behaviour. Imagine you have to stand up long, long in the line and they just taking their time, like talking and laughing, answering they cell phone and deh on it long, long and you there waiting to go back to work.
“And you can’t go a minute after lunch, you have to wait. I think they should have a shift system because sometimes is you lunch time from work you get to go and collect the money and you have to be there waiting and waiting. The court have to understand that we as mothers, we really stress out and if they could make it a little easier it would help.
“One time I get off from work early and when I go there only for them to tell me that they not giving out money on Wednesdays and I must come back another day. I was like with tears in me eyes because I know I was depending on the money to cook dinner. Explaining to the lady that I take time off and I don’t know if I would get it the next day. She just look at me and say ‘we not giving out money on a Wednesday you have to come back another day’ and that was it.
“Look I walk out of that place, tears running down me cheeks and it was only leave for me to just walk out in front of a car because it was like I just felt so beat down that day because I know I had to go and beg for me children to eat that night.” She was close to tears at this point.
“Another time I go on a Thursday and they tell me how the money give out the day before and how I should come then. So I said to the woman, was not the same one from the time before, that the last time it was no money giving out on Wednesday. Well you know is just a look I get and that was it. I like a lil child had to just leave and try to come back another day.
“For me, them things can’t be right. Is what really they trying to do to mothers? Sometimes you go and they telling you that the person to sign the cheque not there and I was like if this person dead we can’t get cheques anymore? I think the least they could do is get two persons signing cheques so when one gone out, the other one is there. I think that would be the sensible thing to do,” she suggested.
“You know I just want people to understand that we women wouldn’t put we self out there to go through all them stress and sometimes embarrassment just to stress a man out. We children need to eat and live and if the fathers not doing it willing, then we have to go the courts that is just how it is. I would just like to see the court system become more friendly to us women in these situations. Train the persons working in the department to understand that they dealing with stressed out women; women who are at their end. Don’t just take any and any person and put them there and then they behaving as if they is God and treating people anyhow. That is just my suggestion and to the fathers out there: it is your children just support them, it would go a far way,” the sister said.
While this is the final entry in this series, I may revisit this issue on a later date. I agree with the suggestion made by the sister that the staff in the department that deals with distributing child support cheques should be trained. Women going to uplift their cheques should be able to do so without being made to feel that they are a burden or that someone is doing them a favour.
