During last week the public at large viewed a shocking video of a young woman being viciously abused. She was slapped, kicked, slammed into a clothing rack and even stomped. The man in the video is her father and the matter is now before the court and sub judice, meaning it is under judicial consideration and therefore prohibited from public discussion elsewhere.
However, without commenting specifically on the incident I want to highlight the equally horrific public comments by many, mostly women, who from all appearances have found ways of justifying the act.
It is shocking that society continues to justify abuse meted out to women. Women also normalize abuse, and this has contributed to its prevalence. It is unbelievable that people would make posts on social media justifying violent acts. Among them was a well-known reporter, who made a post condemning the abuse but claimed to want to be objective and look beyond the video, stating that the young woman was falling into bad company and drifting into a dangerous lifestyle. Then there was the well-known comedian who suggested that the victim should have been taken for a drug test.
Below are some of the shocking and mind-numbing comments made by women on the issue.
“I would never condone violence, but I do understand that a parent, especially those that give their all for their kids, to become enraged if their offspring choose a life that is not good for them. I still feel the entire family need counseling…,” one commented.
Another wrote: “It’s father like u have their daughter faking this man and that man all over the place. This man have many kids, why didn’t they speak out if they were being abused. I suspect the daughter set her father up. She didn’t show one emotion, not a tear shed. Yes the father did abuse her in the video, any father can be pushed there by a daughter wilding out all over the place”
In answer to someone, she responded: “Y’all quick to jump down the father throat. The man love his kids, this girl is an embarrassment to the family. She is too wild, wouldn’t that hurt any caring father.”
“It’s people like y’all that making kids disrespect their parents and harming themselves in the long run. The man hit her yes, but is it ongoing abuse. Doesn’t seem so,” she said in response to another rebuke.
She yet again wrote: “That’s the issue here. All forms of violence is somehow wrong in today’s society. There is a difference between disciplining a child and abusing a child. Abuse is unwarranted constant and ongoing violence. Are you saying a father is never allowed to use violence against their child. How the fak should a father discipline their child if the fear of pain isn’t there. N what are the other options, let the child do whatever they want if the child maybe destroying their life unknowingly. Seems you guys chose to take the second option where ur daughters are out there doing whatever they want. Y’all need to grow some balls as parents and save ur children.”
One commenter suggested that a child who might appear to be wayward needs to be loved and guided. Her response was: “Yep shower them with love even if they are destroying themselves seems to be the order of the day. I can guarantee u this, kids brought up this way turn out to be of little value to society. Prove me wrong.”
Another commenter had this to say: “…What an embarrassment to the family she is if that’s the case and I totally understand the father’s frustration… Some of y’all women got no shame or respect for ur parents but that’s the society we live in today. Y’all quick to run for abortion or having ur parents look after the baby when u get pregnant.
“…We as women are more empowered today but at what cost. Our kids are brought up without a mom basically, bc mommy is busy working. Millions of unborn babies are killed by us women bc we now can *** around without consequence. The birth rate in our society has fallen. What is our role in this journey of life? This girl may end up getting pregnant, another single mother and a child without a family or father figure.
“I just came across one of the kids’ fb page and what I see is a very loving family. Lots of birthday celebrations, vacations, family trips and smiles. Far from what you would expect an abusive father would do for his kids,” was her next comment as she was continuously pilloried for her shocking views.
“You people see a portion of someone’s life in a video in a moment of anger and would just crucify and vilify them without knowing who that person is.
“Honestly this family looks like they have a great life. Maybe he hits his kids, which father or parent hasn’t. Is it constant and unwarranted?
“Those that say violence is never justified anywhere probably think the sky is blue n Jesus walked on water.”
What this case, like many in the past, has proven is that there is much work for the powers that be as we as a society work to address violence. The focus should be on teaching society how not to victim blame so that it is understood that no form of violence, sexual, physical emotional, is acceptable.
Violence is pervasive and it is because the abusers continue to be sheltered by a society which finds any excuse to blame the victim and never holds abusers accountable for their actions.
I hope we as women can be more supportive towards our sisters who are abused. It is sad but many times the ones who shelter the abuser and tear down the victim are women. Let us look in the mirror and make a pledge to support victims regardless and to call out the abuser irrespective of who he is.
