“This is it fuh me. I don’t want another man and if he is not for me then I give up. We guh get married and it is not like I head over heels in love with this man or nothing but fuh me is the comfort knowing that I get somebody who can take care of me.
“Is long he want marry me but you know I was thinking no. Nah like I want to go and find somebody else but like I did feel we didn’t getting along because everyday is a story and so on and he children dem didn’t really dig me head.”
The words of a mother of six in her late 40s, who is preparing to get married to the much older man she has been dating for quite a while. They have lived together off and on. This is the second time she is trying marriage though she has been in several relationships as she attempted to find love and later a stable life.
“Not just for me, you know, it was more fuh my children. I just want them to live good, you know, and is nah me alone could give them duh,” she told me.
I have known this woman for many years. We had lost contact for a while, but I know she has had a very difficult life. Having not completed secondary school, she was unable to be gainfully employed and the fact that she became a mother when she herself was yet a child did not help her situation. At some point, having a man in her life was more for survival than love or companionship.
“I never really get to like enjoy life with a man. When I get married the first time, I didn’t even know what to expect. Is just like me parents find this man and like want get rid of me and I had to marry this man. He was a lil bigger than me and I was not even 16 yet and the last thing I did want was getting marry,” she told me.
“I don’t even want to talk about dem days because is like tears coming to me eyes. It was de hardest time of me life. I still trying to understand why the de man marry me because it was like he been hate me. It was licks and more licks. Licks when he ain’t get money, licks when the baby cry, licks when he think I didn’t cook something nice, or licks because he want beat me,” she said with a sad shake of her head.
“But is like I did believe dah was it fuh me. I use to say Lord this is it. I guh just dead one day and I don’t know what will become of me son. My mother and father didn’t care either. I couldn’t go and tell dem anything because they use to say is me husband and how I gat to behave meself so we could live good,” she continued.
“Girl and is so it went on fuh years and then one day de man tell me he don’t want me no more. Yes, just like that he put me out and I was like where would I go? I know me mother and father didn’t want me back home and I had nowhere to go. The day I had to leave was just me and de baby and a bag with clothes, nothing else. A neighbour sorry fuh me and tek me in fuh a few days and den she carry me to a home. Yes, a home; dah is where I end up. Me husband ain’t even look back to see wah happen to he child or anything.”
The sister told me that she remained in the home for quite some time until she struck up a relationship with a man and decided to leave.
“I say maybe I guh get a better life, you know, and I went and live with he. I start doing domestic work to try to get some money because he use to work as a fisherman, but a lot of times we ain’t had no money. But de man was no better, he use to beat me to, and he use to drink plenty, plenty; so it was no better. I get two children fuh he and is like this man think he own me. Is like he was beating he child. At the time girl, leh me tell you, I say this it fuh me because a second try and was like Lord wah a guh do,” she related.
She moved on and had three more children with three different men but none of the relationships worked.
“All I keep getting is children and leh me tell you, not one a dem man treat me good. Is like I use to attract to the worse men. All a dem well not me first husband used to drink and all a dem beat me. All a dem is like they use to be happy to just beat me. I try, leh me tell you, I try and try just so I could mek it with one a dem man but I don’t know if something wrong with me; it was never good. I end up with six children and no man,” she shared.
“I had to leave them after the licks get too much and was like one man to the next; dah is how I used to survive. But I used to work, do any work I could find but it wasn’t enough. When I left de last one he used to try and mind he child and by then, me two big children start working and helping me. We used to live and try to make it, but it was still hard.
“And den I meet de big man and he start to help me out and suh. He never beat me and he didn’t used to drink bad or suh but he used to want boss me around. Was like I was he lil child and I couldn’t take it anymore. And he had big children who must be feel like I come to tek dey father money or something so we ain’t use to get along. Sometimes we together and then the next week we break up. Yeah it was like if we was lil children or something but I didn’t want nobody control me.
“So is years we like that and he would go away to work and send money fuh me and to tell you de truth life get a lil better when it comes to money. And so we continue like that fuh years; he ain’t lefing me and me ain’t lefing he.
“Now he want to get marry. Well he ask me over and over and like I didn’t know what to say. But now I accepting it and we will get marry. Is not like I love he plenty or something, well I care fuh him but like to me I don’t even know what is love. I know he treating me better and I treating he good and we guh just get marry. This is me last chance and if this ain’t work out den I done with man I don’t want another. I does even ask meself now how I still get a man in me life after all dat happen to me.”
This sister said she will have a very simple wedding with no frills. We have been talking over the last few weeks as she plans her wedding. I can only hope that she finds some happiness as she once again enters a marital union. If anyone deserves it, it is her.
