About four to five years ago, Aisha Jones, better known as the rapper ATayJAH, was going through some mental health issues and was suicidal.
“As evidenced today, I am grateful for being unsuccessful in suicidal attempts because I would not have accomplished the things I have today,” Jones, 29, told Stabroek Weekend in an interview.
The only child of the late Paulette Paul, media personality and former public relations officer of the University of Guyana (UG), Jones is a multi-hyphenate creator. In addition to rapping, she also writes poetry, shoots photos and videos, curates a clothing line and runs a wellness business.
Her most recent project, Stay Above Da Lows, Jones said, is a spinoff of her called RagaRebel Style and Fashion clothing brand which is being trademarked. It is a mental health awareness movement and the slogan and tagline for RagaRebels Style and Fashion.
“We focus more on mental wellness, pushing and promoting and advocating for mental wellness through activities and fashion, targeting mostly children and young adults.”
How did she get to the stage of wanting to end her life? Jones said, she had a lot of issues figuring out who she was, what she wanted to be and how she as a person could influence or implement change. She did not feel she was allowed to express herself holistically.
“With that and the expectations of my mom and my family I felt very pressured. I felt I was failing because I could not become the doctor or lawyer or the person they wanted me to be. I just knew I wanted to be a creative artist and to work for myself, I did not know how to be that person.”
“Coming from a lineage of family members working for the man, I was challenged a lot and not having the exposure to consistent guidance that I needed, really pressured me,” she added.
In 2017, after returning from abroad, she and her mother butted heads to figure out how Jones could survive as a young adult.
“She still thought that the UG was the way to go and I felt it wasn’t the way for me because what I wanted to study was not being offered.”
She enrolled in two different programmes, social work and communications but dropped out because they had nothing that motivated her creativity. Nevertheless, she said, “I support education 100 per cent because it is the baseline of who I am. Without the fundamentals I wouldn’t be who I am today. The only reason I dropped out of UG is because I felt I was doing what I did not want to study.”
At the moment she is pursuing an online certificate programme in the study of photography and videography, which she loves, and she will continue to seek out educational courses that provide for her creativity. “So I am still in school in a way. Scheduling and timing is now my challenge.”
Returning to the country after a failed relationship, she was somewhat embarrassed. “I was really low. I started thinking about suicide again and wanted to quit everything. When I was in that low state for some reason those words, ‘Stay above the lows’ came to mind. I kept telling myself ‘Aisha you got to find a way to stay above the lows because this is not healthy. You don’t even want to kill yourself. You just don’t like the things you are facing. You just want these things to end’.”
From saying the words, ‘Stay above da lows’, Jones said, “It became a mantra for me. Unconsciously it pulled me out of that dark place and altered my thinking to find ways of staying above the lows, to record a song, to work on a photo project or something. It started to redirect my thinking pattern. I started to share and to tag it.”
Not many people knew why she was using the slogan. “Most people think it is a trend for me but that was the deep meaning behind it.”
When people shared their stories of adversities with her, Jones said she reminds them of how far they have come and “not to take worries but to stay above the lows. The more I said it the more it started to resonate with people.”
She decided to add her mantra to her clothing brand. “I believe my clothing brand will be a household name and mental health and wellness should be attached to it especially coming from a country that has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. It is not something that anybody can easily talk about and address. I felt like this is my purpose to encourage other youths who would hear my story and share theirs to find a way to rise above what is beating them down.”
Jones had no professional counselling and essentially counselled herself. “I am now an advocate of mental health. When I returned from abroad my mon and I had a heart-to-heart talk about the things I couldn’t speak about before.”
Her mother’s adjustment, based on what they spoke about propelled Jones to take charge of this venture to Stay above da lows. “My mom always said it is not about how it happened but about how you respond. She tried raising me as a solution-driven person and I have been practicing that to make me more grounded.”
Although she was the go-to person, because people just “felt my vibes”, she said, “I didn’t know how to deal with it myself until I hit rock bottom in 2017.” Through it all, she said, she knew she was a loving and caring person. “I knew I had to offer people some help but there was so much about life I did not understand due to the lack of guidance. I had to use my understanding to sniff out what really gave me life, what fueled me and what generated positive energy in me. From reading and connecting with other people on social media and listening to different podcasts and videos, I just used that knowledge, interpret it and now I try to encourage others to fight through their adversities based on what I experienced.”
In her early teens she felt isolated many times, Jones said. “I bottled up a lot. If I tried to tell my mom how I felt she would just respond based on her level of consciousness, her grooming, what she had done and what she understood. Calling me her ‘Unique Baby’, she could only love me so much according to her understanding. Even with music, she couldn’t give me guidance. She couldn’t give me guidance on my sexuality or anything like that because of her understanding of things.”
Jones’ family loved her but she could not speak up about how she felt about herself. Her mental health was self-rated and she did not see an avenue that could have facilitated her way of thinking in Guyana.
“It was always a shut down so the lack of guidance in terms of being encouraged to be myself, or finding out how to be myself or even tapping into my spirituality. Discovering my spirituality and my connection to the divine, which I learned outside of religion or Christianity is what saved me. Had I known about meditation or about an open-minded side to being creative or my sexuality, it would’ve helped me when I was younger. I wouldn’t have pressured myself so much and I probably would not have attempted suicide.”
Telling it raw
Jones gave herself the stage name ATayJAH in 2012 to enter a Hits and Jam rap competition that she won. “ATayJAH is actually my names put together, Aisha Taylor Jones. It is an expressive, unapologetic, loving, creative person.”
“My writings, poetry and rap music are inspired by life and living. I have a thing for telling it raw. So it comes from an authentic place. I’m singing to build a connection with other people to feel what I am feeling or going through or to speak to their life story. My music and melody is healing with a twist and generating storytelling and purpose,” she explained.
Jones said Paul encouraged her in extracurricular activities that also included swimming and dancing. She was a member of the National School of Dance until the age of 13.
Jones, a past student of Marian Academy and St Joseph High School (SJHS), took part, at a young age, in the radio programme called ‘Specially for Children,’ which Paul produced and which was aired on Voice of Guyana on Saturday mornings on the then Guyana Broadcasting Corporation. “That was where a lot of the writing side of me, to express myself, was encouraged.”
According to Jones, her creative side started to blossom at SJHS where students’ extracurricular activities were encouraged. “That was where I fell in love with the stage as a dancer and an entertainer.”
She joined Dance Fanatics, a dance school run by Ivelaw Cappell, aka Granny Ivelaw, for about two years until she formed her own group called 592 Steppaz.
“As Steppaz, we were featured in GT&T Feel the Beat show in 2013. I also danced and rapped on that show with Jackie Jaxx, local reggae/dancehall songstress.’
Jaxx was responsible for giving her the spotlight for the Hits and Jam competition, she said. “On the day of my last minute-audition, Jaxx said she was blown away from the first few lines out of my mouth. She told me ‘You need to come back here tonight at 8.00 pm and be aired. That was the beginning of my now music career.”
A contemporary pop and hip hop (rap)dancer, Jones said, “I started off solo, then I formed the band, Collage, with a group of three which a grew into a seven-member band before we split ways in 2019. Now, I am actually working on new content and a music video for the summer as a relaunch of myself as a solo artist.”
Most of her artistry and music were attached to Collage. In terms of solo work, her catalogue is small. Her 2014 hit song ‘Metamorphosis,’ which gained number 1 on the local charts at the time for three months and the GT&T countdown for three weeks, she said, “was really my introduction to me being me. Before that I was trying to be that female rapper everybody expected me to be. I can’t be fake out there if people are looking at me to be as authentic as possible. I had no guidance in music and I had this talent that was only known to me and my bathroom. To be taken out of the bathroom and to be put into the whole industry like that it was really overwhelming.”
Currently Jones runs a visual production company, call Eye Art, where she does mostly photography and videography. In 2007, she won the second place in the Guyana National Visual Arts Competition’s photography category. This business celebrated its eight anniversary on Independence Day.
There is also her clothing brand, RagaRebel Style and Fashion. It is showing potential. Why RagaRebel? “Because I identify as a beautifully complex and unorthodox ragamuffin who is strong, bold, natural and full of expression. RagaRebel fashion is me showcasing Guyana’s raga nation, featuring graphics and photography from my Eye Art. I use a lot of street photography to really support the text that I use. You can access the website for the brand at www.ragarebelsf.com.”
When she launched her clothing line brand, she did not expect to sell out. “Marketing is my biggest issue. I am working on that to get sponsorship and investors. It could be better but I know in time it will grow.”
She also owns Smudgies, a spiritual wellness business “for cutting bad vibes. It is now two years in operation. We sell white sage which is used for cleansing spaces of negative and unwanted energies and palo santo, also known as holy wood, as well as cedar and lavender to boost spiritual and mental wellness.”
Of her businesses, she said, “Some months are rough but I see progress daily. I now operate out of home in Dennis Street, Campbellville due to the pandemic and I have converted my garage into a studio.
