Six and half years. That is how long I have been taking anti-depressants to help with me cope with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and anxiety. I have had my first “weaning off” consultation with my psychiatrist, which will see me starting the process of slowly coming off of them.
There is no set time frame or rule book which can determine a definite cure for mental health illnesses. Treatment varies depending on the degree of the illness and one’s ongoing personal circumstances. Beginning to slowly come off them isn’t a cause for celebration as it doesn’t mean that all my troubles have simply vanished. Rather, I am currently at a point where my body’s natural regulation and nervous system are in a better position to help me regulate my mood. Coming off of anti-depressants also doesn’t mean I will never see them again either. It just simply means given the current circumstances in my life they are unnecessary. These circumstances can also change at any time.
The journey of starting to use anti-depressants was such an isolating one. It was filled with so much stigma and scorn that tend to mentally isolate you from even wanting to try it. The narratives around why one should take such medication have always pointed to those who had extreme and unfortunate trauma. This often tends to keep those seeking out help to mentally negotiate the severity of their illness in a cycle of denial and shame.
My experience over the six and a half years I have used anti-depressants has been different.
Reassuring
It’s hard to believe that such a tiny pill holds so much might, but it really does. Apart from the first two weeks where a few side effects were felt (tiredness, mentally zoning out, blurry vision) they worked quickly. I was able to see a dramatic decrease in how often my thoughts reoccurred and I was less anxious, enabling me to more rational with my thoughts. To contextualize this, for someone with OCD thoughts of health and safety can consume them without treatment. While at university, I remember making five to six visits to the emergency room or to Superdrug to speak to a nurse over fears of contamination. In the six years I have been on medication, that has only occurred once.
Privacy
There is still much stigma around taking anti-depressants. My first diagnosis from a doctor wasn’t six years ago, but eight years ago when I was still at university. One of the reasons I was so reluctant about sharing my reality was because of the casual disregarding language used when talking about it with friends. Try not to seek out the opinions of anyone who is a not mental health professional for any sort of validation. People will always have their biases based on culture and experiences and this could impact how soon you access treatment. This is a discussion for you and your doctor not anyone else; not even your significant other.
Timings
Taking anti-depressants, like any other medication, needs to be done under the guidance of your doctor. Taking the pill the same time every day, as instructed by doctor, proved to be more effective as opposed to taking it when I remembered and shrugging it off as medication that would automatically work when it entered the body. Change in timing did make me more anxious.
Healing is not linear. There will be setbacks and great strides made. Each is incredibly important to the overall journey and process. Being on anti-depressants just helps us to process and make the journey a little hassle free.
