“It is like something was wrong with he in he head. This man was beating for no reason and even though I was in pain, I was in my mind saying this man is mad. I knew right then that this have to be it and I had to leave or I would dead and leave me children.”
Those are the words of a 44-year-old mother of two who believes that she narrowly escaped with her life from a months’ old relationship. If she could turn back time to late last year, she said, she would have avoided the man, who has now left her with two cracked ribs. Nevertheless, she feels she is in a better place less than two months after she called it quits with the man as she is no longer afraid of him.
In the months they dated, the man shared some of his past deeds and according to the woman she is even afraid to repeat what she was told as she wants him to remain in her history.
“I believe it is his past catching up with him and that is why he just so crazy. Is like he cannot rest and he takes it out on people. Now I get to understand that nobody stays with him for long. I might have been the longest with him in years. Because of how he behaves, as soon as you get a whiff you just cut and run,” she told me.
I met this sister through a friend. She wanted to share her story; well, part of the experience as she is too afraid to share all of it for fear of being identified. For her, talking about it makes it more real and reinforces that she figuratively ran for her life. She has blocked the man and even though he attempted to contact her from various numbers these calls are becoming fewer as the days go by; she is moving on with her life. She told me she never reported any of the man’s actions because she saw how connected he was to law enforcement officers.
“This man was very abusive. We were just together for a few months but I had to decide to leave him. We live in the same village but he does not live close to me and I don’t have to see him. I don’t know if he sees me but I don’t see him and I want to keep it that way,” she said.
“Right now I am talking to you with two cracked ribs. The last time this man hit me he put a sound licking on me and I had to say that was the last. I had to decide.”
I asked her what triggered the man.
“Nothing didn’t have to trigger he. The man just mad. I have a business and if I talk to a male customer too nice was a problem. If a male customer call was a problem. Everything was a problem,” she answered.
“You see is a long history with he. He do so much terrible thing in the past, people’s tears on he and like it catching up with he. He can’t rest. He confided in me so much and I think that was the reason why at first he tell me how me and he can’t done. He told me that I broke down too much wall inside of he, you know, get he to talk and how I can’t leave. Nobody don’t stay with this man. Now I get to understand that after about two weeks or a month women does just cut and run,” she said.
“And the thing is I get pregnant three times for this man you know and I had three miscarriages. One almost take my life because the baby was dead inside of me for days and I didn’t know. The first one was like stress but the other two is he hit me and cause it.
“And you know the last time he beat me is God send somebody and that is how he stop and I get to go away. At first a friend come by and this man take all me clothes and everything and went and sit down and gaff with he friend and left me with only me panty and I wanted to run out just like that but then I say no. When the friend gone, he come back and start beating me…”
He finally stopped when a female relative, who was called by a neighbour, visited and she took the opportunity to run out.
“That was when I leave. I never go back. He came to me house and talk to me but I never go back. And he calling and so and that is when I had to block he because he said he would make me disappear and my family would never find me. I was scared but I didn’t go to the police because sometimes I would be with he and the police would stop he on the road and one phone call and the police does leave he alone. So I say it ain’t make no sense,” she continued in our telephone conversation.
“After I leave him that day, I had to go to the hospital for treatment and the doctor told me that I had two cracked ribs because they did a x-ray and I had to get medication. I was scared but I thank God like it growing out of me and I don’t have to see him.”
Nice at first
She told me at first she thought maybe a relationship with the man was another chance of her settling down.
“At first he was very nice, you know, he start coming to my business and purchasing things and we start dealing but is after I get to hear people talking about he. My brother come to me and tell me what people say and how is not a good man but you know I tell he that everybody deserve a second chance. He was older now and maybe you know he change,” she said.
“But soon after he start to show he true colours and he didn’t wait until long after because by then you know if might a been harder for me to leave. But he did and God knows why I lost those babies. The first time when the doctor told me the baby was dead I start to cry and the doctor asked me why I was crying and he told me that God knows everything and we should not question God.
“I had said I wanted maybe one more child but now I am happy that it didn’t happen because I would have been attached to him for life..
“He would sometimes just so out of the blues say ‘I guh put a licking pun you.’ I think is because of what he did in the past; it was telling on he nerves. The last time this man was beating me if you see how he was grinding he teeth and he skin was like jumping and his eyes was just wild, wild.
“And the first time he hit me I was sitting in a chair and this man just come up to me and kicked me and started going off and talking things that made no sense. I get up and he pushed me back in the chair and every word that come of he mouth was a kick coming with it. I told him like he was sick in he head and this man hit me in my head. I had a migraine for days. I said that was it but he come and beg and like a fool I decide to give he another chance.
“You know he confided in me so much that maybe he was scared of me that I would let it out, but I would not. I just want to forget about what he told me and move on with my life and let he move on with he life.
“And when he was going through serious financial crises, I used to brace he. I have me businesses and I am a livestock farmer so I used to help he out, but you know people told me he is a cursed individual and I believe it is true.
“And to show how this man head is not good, the next day after the last beating, he call me and tell me girl you ain’t dead yet? You strong, man. With all dem blows I give you I thought you woulda dead. And that is not all, he saying girl come back me ain’t satisfied how I beat you and I just had to cut off the phone.
“For days I didn’t tell anybody but after I said I had to tell because I was in so much pain. He came about two times and after I was not talking to he, he stop coming. And you know like I said I blocked him and I don’t have to see him anymore.
“I am not scared like before. I am growing it out. I am praying and asking God to take away that fear. I was fearful first because he even say he would bomb down my house but I am not scared anymore.
“Of course if I could turn back the hands of time, I wished he had never existed for me. It is the first time I experienced an abusive relationship. I am a very independent woman, I work hard for everything I have…
“But you know I am single for a while and I was looking for a companion. Before, I had a relationship and we almost got married but I saw the red flags and I call it quits only to end up with this man.
“Right now I don’t want anybody. I am just going with my friends and go to church and spend more time with my kids and do my business. I don’t want nobody right now, I am good,” she added.
She had some words of advice for her fellow sisters:
“If he hit you one time, don’t be like me, leave, don’t wait for a second chance. Leave. Don’t wait, because they wouldn’t change. They come nice for first and then they just don’t change. Just leave.”
I wish this sister well as she moves on and I hope that maybe one day she would find that companion she wanted. For now, sister, just live and love those who love you.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or sexual violence, you can call the 914 emergency hotline number for help.
