In this week’s column I am going to digress from the usual format of chronicling the life experiences of women to address a swirling issue that has exploded in the virtual world, but does not seem to have taken root in the physical realm where actual damage has been done.
A well-known man, who has been popular on social media for years and has an opinion about everything under the sun, has reportedly been sexually assaulting women. He has been doing this while allegedly being infected with at least two sexually transmitted infections (STI) – herpes and syphilis – and while he was an advocate for sexual and reproductive health.
These shocking allegations have resulted in the man disappearing from Facebook, where he was well known, and individuals and organisations dissociating themselves from him.
“The alleged behaviour does not align with our core values, and as such neither the committee members nor the Festival itself will continue to associate with [name of the individual],” the organisers of an event he was associated with said on their Facebook page.
“In light of everything you guys are seeing and hearing, please be aware I am no longer associated with [name of show] or [name of the individual]”, a woman who had close ties with the man said on Facebook.
There has been a public call for the people close to the man to shame him for his behaviour since it appears as if they are covering for him. But one woman indicated that while they are disgusted by his alleged behaviour, not having a public discourse about it is with “good reason and has absolutely nothing to do with anyone trying to protect” him.
“If the victims ain’t ready to go fully public as yet, whose place is it to throw up their stories on the TL before they’re ready? Sometimes y’all must think before you talk. Must spare a thought before trying to ‘one up’ your one-sided enemies,” she said in a post on her page.
According to viral voice notes and one recorded conversation now being circulated, the man has had sexual relations with countless people, both men and women, but has allegedly drugged women (including his partner of two years) and sexually assaulted them. It was claimed that he gave his then partner pills to ensure that she took part in a sexual encounter that involved a third individual.
There are allegations of him sexually assaulting women while they were drunk and them being afraid to confront him afterwards or inform others. One young woman said she thought she had dreamed that she performed a sexual act on him until he actually told her about it.
I am dumbfounded that in this day and age seemingly well-informed individuals are having unprotected, casual sex.
The man against whom the allegations were made reportedly had an active herpes infection with visible sores and he therefore mostly opted to have sex in the dark.
According to the Mayo Clinic website, genital herpes “is a common sexually transmitted infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). Sexual contact is the primary way that the virus spreads. After the initial infection, the virus lies dormant in your body and can reactivate several times a year.”
The disease can cause pain, itching and sores in the genital area but there are cases where there are no no signs or symptoms. “If infected, you can be contagious even if you have no visible sores,” the clinic said.
“There’s no cure for genital herpes, but medications can ease symptoms and reduce the risk of infecting others. Condoms also can help prevent the spread of a genital herpes infection,” it added.
As for syphilis the clinic describes it as a “bacterial infection usually spread by sexual contact. The disease starts as a painless sore — typically on the genitals, rectum or mouth. Syphilis spreads from person to person via skin or mucous membrane contact with these sores.”
And after the initial infection, according to the clinic, the syphilis bacteria can remain inactive in the body for decades before becoming active again. Early syphilis can be cured, sometimes with a single shot (injection) of penicillin.
“Without treatment, syphilis can severely damage the heart, brain or other organs, and can be life-threatening. Syphilis can also be passed from mothers to unborn children,” it added.
All of the above were what seemingly informed young people were exposing themselves to. It appears as if all the campaigns done to inform the population of sexually transmitted infections (especially HIV and AIDs) have been for naught.
On the flip side, an advocate for sexual health has allegedly been knowingly infecting people with at least two STIs. He should be reported and charged.
Then there is the serious claim of him sexually assaulting women who have remained silent. It is hoped that they will now speak up so that he can be held accountable. And while victims may not want to speak, there is nothing wrong with his friends and associates calling him out publicly and encouraging the victims to report him to the authorities.
One of the reasons for victims’ hesitancy of course is likely because we live in a society that blames victims and lets perpetrators off scot free. Guyana has a serious victim-blaming culture (even children are blamed when adults assault them), which for years has prevented many sexual predators from being held accountable for their actions.
Because of this, it is entirely possible that this sexual predator could avoid facing the courts, but I believe he should still be held accountable. The same way you supported him in the past let him know how disgusted you are now. Warn others about who he is and if it is true that he actually advocated on behalf of a sexual and reproductive rights organisation then inform them about his behaviour.
For too long we as a society have been ignoring the repulsive behaviour of people we know because we want to protect them. There is nothing wrong with saying, ‘I didn’t know but now that I know I will speak up’. Unless of course, and this may very well be the case, you knew but just did not say anything because he is your friend.
I hope this man’s former partner will receive the help she needs. As parents we need to pay closer attention to the people our children associate with. There is nothing wrong with us sometimes being involved in some sleuth activity in an effort to protect our children who sometimes (no matter how old they are) just go down the wrong path. That is a fact of life.
Young people (and I use the term loosely as many are old enough) it is time that you take responsibility for your actions. You cannot be having unprotected sex with acquaintances, regardless of how well you may think you know them. If you are going to start a meaningful relationship with anyone, remember to get tested and screened for STIs before moving into the realm of unprotected sex. Stop living recklessly. It is enough that married people and those in long-term relationships are being exposed by uncaring spouses.
I hope the conversation will continue.
