At risk of angering the “Not all men” brigade, I thought it important to explore a long held narrative that has been maintaining its position in popular media, the idea of toxic masculinity. It is a term that has cemented itself in our lives, but what is it and what is its impact?
Simply put, toxic masculinity is a byproduct of the patriarchy. The patriarchy is a systematic set of beliefs and customs that centres men in positions of dominance and control. It necessitates gender inequality, as women and other minoritized groups are seen as less than those who have the “divine” right to rule over others. This is why women and girls continue to be seen as merely playing a supporting role in the lives of men and boys. Toxic masculinity though, while primarily harming women, girls and other gender and sexual minorities, also harms men and boys.
Despite the harm that it inflicts on them and others, not too many men appreciate conversations and attempts around the dismantling of toxic masculinity. Interestingly enough, they view attacks on this patriarchal system as being an attack against the concept of manhood itself. But why is one’s manhood tied to such fragile and performative expectations of men and boys? How does dictating the need for things such as violence, aggression and suppression of emotions ultimately serve the growth of healthy men and boys? These beliefs wreak havoc on the safety and well-being of women, and of men, but despite this collective harm, many men continue to view it as the right and appropriate way for their sex to be and act.
Becoming aware of the inherent privileges one is afforded based on their sex, is important to effectively move away from the harmful beliefs and practises that contributes towards the maintenance of gender inequality. There are many men, however, who can of course wax lyrical about the privileges they are afforded based on their sex and gender identity…they are experts in all the buzzwords. But when it comes to the way in which they need to release that privilege in their own lives, it is often lacking. So awareness is the start, but action towards ensuring that one is not contributing towards gender inequality and harm in your homes, workplaces and community spaces, is where the real change begins.
When in discussion of toxic masculinity, you can often hear about the growing insertion of toxic femininity into the space. Toxic femininity is a belief is that there are villainous women who actively seek to get innocent men in trouble, or women who are mean and denigrating towards other women. But let’s explore this concept for a bit. It is understandable that we try to analyze and group certain behaviours, particularly if it is a negative occurrence. It would however, be incorrect to believe that toxic femininity is systemic. Are there individual and groups of women who are absolutely vile, and yes, toxic? Of course, I have come across quite a number of them. When however, we are talking about systems of power and control and who wields it to their benefit, we would recognize that the idea of toxic femininity does not hold up.
The thing about the power and oppression inherent in the patriarchy, is that it is primarily aimed in one direction wherein minoritized groups are the major recipients of it. This is the case of toxic masculinity as its patriariarchal genesis continues to impact primarily women and girls, and men and boys who deviate from the ideas they associate with being “masculine.” What toxic masculinity does is turn men and boys into footsoldiers of the patriarchy, where they wield this power against women and girls in their homes, their workplaces, places of worship, social circles, and halls of power. The same cannot be said about the concept of “toxic femininity,” because it is not a phenomenon that is centred on power and control over a group of people.
Men are not inherently toxic. However, all men do benefit to some extent from the patriarchal system that was set up to serve them.
