Guyana, in its few areas of progressiveness, had in 2010 passed the Sexual Offences Act that addressed the criminalisation of marital rape. Today, a married woman can go before the courts if she was raped by her husband. Despite progressive laws, however, it is constantly clear, that legislation without changed attitudes does very little.
Largely, there remains the belief amongst many citizens, that if a man has “taken” a woman to be his “own,” then he has full control and say over what happens to and with her. This is one of our most persistent patriarchal beliefs, as it relates to the right to possession men are seen to have over women. We have, of course, shifted a bit over the years when it comes to beliefs such as these, but they still remain alarmingly present.
This belief that a man cannot rape his partner is not only reserved for those within strict marriage unions but in any relationship dynamic. Due to the persistence of these beliefs, many women are often unable to accurately name their experiences of rape by their partner. There are many tales of women waking up only to find their partner between their legs, or of waking with fuzzy memories and pain because they had been drugged by their partners. But there are also everyday acts of coercion that are utilized to strip women of their consent, such as wearing down their “no’s” through pressure, fear and guilt. They have been conditioned to view such behaviour as normal, and many are unable to identify that what they experienced was sexual assault, for many years. This continues because large sections of society continue to have a limited understanding of consent in the context of sexual intercourse. It is interesting because they can quickly and accurately grasp the concept of consent when it comes to other areas, but when it comes to recognizing and respecting the boundaries of others, suddenly there needs to be a ten-page explainer on what consent looks like and how we should approach it.
Conversations around consent have for years been framed around the mantra, “no means no.” It is powerful in its simplicity and indicates the importance of respecting someone’s reluctance to participate in an activity. However, there are some limitations, and these limitations continue to contribute to sexual violence that does not always look like a violent struggle, but rather, wearing down and manipulation of one’s words and defences. This is why many consent advocates have taken to utilising phrases such as “yes, means yes.” This acknowledges that often, persons may be unable to say no to sexual activity due to various factors such as fear, insecurity or disability.
Yes means yes, is a call to recognize the importance of consent that is freely and enthusiastically given rather than that which is coerced. If someone appears to be uncomfortable when attempting sexual activity, stop and check in with them. If they seem unsure about whether they want to have sex or not, stop pursuing and let them know that it is okay for them to change their mind.
There is the belief that women utilize sex as a weapon to get their way in relationships, and this is often used as justification as to why men must “take” what is theirs. Regardless of how one chooses to frame it though, forcing or coercing someone into sexual activity, always has been, and remains sexual assault, even if laws such as those in The Bahamas are slow to catch up. We owe it to survivors of violence to recognize that regardless of if they are in a marriage or another relationship dynamic, their bodily rights must be acknowledged and respected.
