Some months ago, I turned a year older. Like with many women, I realised that, well, ‘a getting a lil old’ and with that myriad thoughts, chief among them the fear of what the future holds. I spoke to a couple of friends and while some do not share my expressed sentiments others are in synch with what I said.
I suppose everyone goes through some kind of internal battle as they get up in age and it largely has to with how comfortable one is with where they are in life at the time, whether they believe there is more they should have done and the feelings that time is running out. Whatever it is, I am sure everyone gets a little anxious now and then when they start to get up in age.
For me, it is more about just doing all I can to ensure that my sons grow up to become healthy, God-fearing productive citizens of this world. Sometimes I long for my youth but other times I am just happy to be sane and in relatively good health and strength at the age I am. ‘It could have been far worse,’ a friend of mind said to me recently.
As I thought about it, I recalled a piece I did in this space last year June and re-reading it I really enjoyed the sentiments shared by this sister and I wanted to re-share for those who read and for those who may only now be reading. It is thought provoking, to say the least.
“A lot of us don’t like to talk about it but we are at times not happy to become old. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I am not grateful to be alive and to age gracefully as they say but I experience some fear at times,” said a sister who recently marked her 55th year on this earth.
“You know, when you are much younger, you look forward to your next birthday with excitement and you are thinking about all you can and will do. In fact, young people feel that they can conquer the world and that they are invincible. I know I have felt that in my youth. But on the other side of the coin, as you get older, you at times look to the other birthday in trepidation.”
We were just having a normal conversation and then it moved into this realm. I am not sure what triggered it, but it is a subject matter I believe both of us found interesting. While I am some years behind her, I somewhat identified with what she said. As I am older now, while I am indeed happy and thankful for life I don’t look forward to my birthdays with excitement, but more with a thankful heart.
“I don’t know how it is for men, but I believe they also go through similar emotions. But for us women, and let me say for me especially, when I started seeing body changes I was not always happy. I mean, the first thing you notice is the sagging breasts. There, I said it. And then you notice other changes and they are not always pretty sights. And don’t talk about the greying hair, yes we can colour it but it is never the same again,” she told me.
“But for me it is more than what you can see with the naked eyes, it is what you feel like inside. Like sometimes I say to myself I could have done more in life. When I was young, I had so many dreams. I have done a lot but sometimes I feel I could have done more. I have had a good marriage, my children are not perfect but they are good people. I have had good jobs over the years but yet sometimes I ask myself if it was enough.
“And then you start thinking you are becoming irrelevant. Of course, I know that I am important to my family and while legally I am not even a pensioner yet in this country it is like I don’t know if my contributions are being taken seriously anymorea. The young people are so much more vibrant at times and they come with such good ideas that you second guess yourself. Yes, with experience come wisdom sometimes…” and she trailed off.
We did not say anything to each other for a while and then I told her that even though I am younger than she is, I understood what she was saying. She laughed ruefully, telling me that I still had a few years before getting to where she was.
“There are so many things you have to deal with when you are ageing. There is the aches and pain as well. Some of the things you used to do before you have to huff and puff to get it done and sometimes you can’t get it all done in one go,” she said.
This time I laughed because I have the same issues at times and I told her so and we both laughed.
“Yeah but you have to start thinking more about your health and so you don’t feel that well sometimes,” she continued, still laughing a bit.
“I am not even going to touch menopause. We would leave that for another conversation. But growing old is not as easy as one, two, three. Like I said before, it is not that I am unhappy to grow old, I am more than grateful, but I just want to tell you the reality of it. I don’t know if when you get much older if there is more peace of mind but I remember my mother used to be somewhat crotchety in her older years and I don’t want to be like that.
“For me I want to be the pleasant little old lady that everybody likes to be around, you know the one with the sense of humour,” she said, smiling.
“But sometimes I am afraid I may end up like my mother because there are days when I am already looking at all that might not be too right instead of just being thankful. But it is a process and talking about it right now I am feeling better and I am going to strive to start appreciating life and all that comes with it.
“When we meet again, I am going to tell you about the whole menopause thing. Like I said, that is another story by itself. I would advise that as we get older we talk more, don’t keep too much things bottled up inside; share, it might very well help. People need the Lord but people need people too, that is why we are not alone on this earth.”
Like I said before, I got what this sister was saying. And I am sure both women and men are at times afraid of growing old. That is just life but as an older man told me the other day, “If you are not getting old then you are dead, so you can choose”. Sombre words but very factual. As much as we can, let’s embrace our coming of age and as the sister advises we can always talk about it. It helps. According to https://aging.com as we advance in age, our bones reduce in size and become weaker. This change is especially true for post-menopausal women and it can result in osteoporosis. When this reduction of bone mass occurs, it predisposes us to dangerous falls which, in many cases, cause injuries. Healing from such injuries becomes impaired as we advance in age. And as to our hearts, they pump blood at a lower rate, become slightly enlarged, and the walls may thicken.
The website also touched on our brain and nervous system and it noted that as we grow older we will experience changes in our reflexes and senses. We may also suffer slight memory loss. In some cases, plaques and tangles form which can damage brain and nerve cells.
These abnormalities predispose us to dementia. As to our senses, we may notice that our bodies do not react to stimuli as strongly as they did.
This translates to a reduced sense of smell, taste, touch, and vision. And the changes in taste and smell will usually lead to decreased appetite which can be detrimental to our health.
The skin, of course, is also affected and the website noted that as we get older, our skin begins to wrinkle and lose its elasticity. This is particularly evident in seniors who smoke.
Our sex life will change after menopause. Women experience physical changes, specifically vaginal dryness or lack of lubrication, while men experience erectile dysfunction.
There are also emotional changes as stress is common among seniors and tends to stem from grief. The older we become, the more people we lose around us and this can get painful. Pressure among seniors may also result from lack of purpose associated with retirement, children leaving home, and the physical changes occurring in our bodies.
So while we experience a plethora of changes as we grow older, we just have to embrace them and be thankful for each new day on mother earth.
