From November 25th to December 10th, the annual 16 days of activism campaign against gender-based violence against women and girls was observed. Within that period several women and girls were undoubtedly brutally abused by their partners and those they trust. Just three days ago, a young woman was killed by her partner. Her murder contributed to another in a long line of femicide-related stats in Guyana.
In Latin America and the Caribbean, 4, 473 women were killed in 2021 according to an ECLAC study. Jamaica, Belize and Guyana reported the highest femicide rates in the Caribbean, with Guyana boasting 2.0 of every 100,000 women being killed. When examining our attitudes towards GBV, it is not hard to understand why.
The most recent murder-suicide completed by a man on his female partner, laid bare the way of thinking of many when it comes to women’s lives. There remains the persistent belief among some men that murder, particularly of a woman, is justifiable. When news first broke of the senseless act, many were quick to come out of the woodwork to shift blame toward the woman’s supposed actions that could have warranted the heinous act. The blatant snuffing out of a life was viewed as more of an afterthought for these observers who just wanted to know what this woman could have done to make this nice nice man kill her and then himself. Even in death, women continue to be hoisted up and put before the court of public opinion for crimes that are committed against them.
Victim blaming ensures that women are never seen as “real” victims, but as persons who are somehow deserving, or of course, the ones to blame for being beaten, for being raped and for being killed. The men who commit these heinous acts are thrust into the role of vulnerable men who never had the support that they needed. It seems every time beatings or murders are committed, that is when we hear the most about men’s mental health and well-being. If only, if only men were allowed to express their emotions, and receive the care and support women seem to get, then maybe there wouldn’t be so many killings is the popular narrative we hear. These narratives do and should elicit anger because they are dangerous in several ways. The equation of this violence as being an element of mental illnesses is highly disrespectful to those who live with mental illnesses every single day and have never once raised their hand to harm a woman. All it does is further stigmatize these persons. That along with the ridiculous narrative that men’s emotional well-being is not cared for (as literally the majority of women and girls are taught from a young age to cater to their well-being) is just another ridiculous excuse in a long list of excuses that violent men are provided with.
It needs to be recognised that while someone might be a nice person to you and everyone else, what you see of them vs. what their intimate sees is often two extremely different realities. Those who are controlling and abusive very rarely would let facets of this slip into their public projection, while behind closed doors, the anger, insecurity and controlling ego lets slip. There can never be justification for murdering a woman. There are no two sides to the story, other than the fact that he chose to kill her and himself. Why he did it is irrelevant, and to constantly seek out what his “reasons” might have been, lacks empathy and care both for the deceased, her family and friends.
You cannot on the one hand advocate for women’s protection and care, while on the other condone acts of violence against them if the circumstances of that violence are seen as “acceptable” to you. Violence against women and girls is not something that is removed from you and your immediate environment. Changing perceptions of GBV that contribute towards its reduction quite literally starts by addressing it in your home and friend groups, to do otherwise just continues to contribute to our sickening culture of violence.
