“I just needed to go out and work. I don’t know if it is the right thing, because is like I am still working it through. I had to get out of the house. I know some people would say with young children it was not the right thing but for my own sanity I just had to do it.”
In her early thirties with three children, this woman had never been part of the formal workforce, but one day she decided that she had to do something and she went out and got a job. Now weeks later she is still struggling to find the right routine as it is all new territory for her. According to her, the support is not there but she is not giving up. At least not yet.
“I didn’t do that well in school, but I am fairly okay. I can read and do some Maths and so on, so I could help my children. But because of not really getting any subjects I didn’t think about furthering my studies or getting a job. I work, but nothing really big, just here and there,” she told me a few weeks after she started her new job.
“It was like I was home and I have the children to take care of and so but it was like I just fed up. I want to go out and be with adults, like I long to just do something more. And like I was thinking it was not the right time because the small one so small, but then I said the right time would never come.
“So, one day when I see this ad for a job I apply and you would not believe how I feel when they tell me I got the job. It was like the best news I had in years. But when I calm down, I start to think how I doing this, you know, with the children and all. But I say I doing it because this is what I want for me. I want to make my own money, I want to be independent. My husband does try but, you know, is never enough and I think it is right for me to be out there working.
“He didn’t really agree with it, trying to tell me that I robbing the children of time and so but I tell he that he robbing them too because many days we just don’t have enough to really take care of them. So, for me, a little more money will make things better. Then he telling me that the money will just go in transportation and daycare but I didn’t even listen because even if it is $5,000, and it would be more than that, it will still be something.”
I asked her how it has been so far and how she is managing to get to work on time.
“Well I have to get up very early and that is something new for me because before, you know, I would just get up so the children could go to school on time. But now is everybody leaving the house and I have to catch two bus to get to work. So now is like I not getting enough sleep. But I still get up because I feel good just to get up and work. I looking myself in the mirror now and saying ‘working girl’,” she said with a smile.
“I wouldn’t lie, it is not easy and a few days I think about just giving up but then I say no I doing this for me. You wouldn’t understand how it was sometimes. I used to feel that I would go mad. I just there thinking all kinds of things and I just used to feel like if I stifling. I love my children but I think I would do better for them if I am working.
“I wouldn’t say I was depressed, you know, but I was home and it was like I would have all these things going through my mind. Some days it was like more than me and I just didn’t know what
to do. Trying to tell my husband was useless; he would say I have too much time on my hands and should find something to do.
“So it was like just getting worse and worse and, you know, I say this enough and I just went and apply for the job. I don’t know if it would work out but I giving it a shot and now is like I too tired to even think because at work I trying to learn everything and when I home I just busy, busy even on my day offs and at night is like I not getting enough sleep. So at least I happy I not thinking all kinds of things,” she added.
We sat for a while and spoke of other things but it was obvious that this sister was helping herself the best way she knew how. I asked her if she ever thought of counselling.
“Not really,” she answered after a long pause.
“I couldn’t afford to pay for it and I not going at no hospital or health centre for that and I didn’t ready for nobody tell me that I mad,” she continued.
“I read a lot, you know, and I believe it was for me to just go out there and spend more time with adults. I was home with the children all the time everyday because my husband out working sometimes Sunday to Sunday. So, you know, from what I read sometimes we need to be out doing things with other adults. And then too I want to make my own money so I believe I am on the right track. For me this can only get better.
“It is just for me to find the right routine and sometimes I does feel sorry for the children because they accustom to me always being home. But I think they doing better. I explain to the two big ones that I going to work to get money so we can do more things and they understand, man.
“I know it would work out and look even if it don’t work out I am happy that I try. What I know is that I would not just spend my days at home all the time, I would find something else to do if this work don’t work out,” the sister added.
I am happy for this sister, who seems to be on a path of betterment for mostly her mental health and I can only hope that now she is earning, the family can do better financially. I hope the children will adjust and for her to remember that she needs to make time for them.
According to the Mayo Clinic, although depression may occur only once during your life, people typically have multiple episodes. During these episodes, symptoms occur most of the day, nearly every day and may include:
· Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
· Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
· Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
· Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
· Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
· Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
· Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
· Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
· Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
· Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
· Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
· Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
I just wanted to remind sisters who are reading that anyone can face depression. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms it is okay to seek professional help, or, like this sister, you can also look at options that may help you. But it is always better to seek professional help, no harm in doing this.
