According to a Forbes report in 2020, Guyana has the largest diaspora population in comparison to the rest of the world (36.4%). My husband’s home country Moldova came in sixth on the list at roughly 28%. I have always found statistics and percentages to be dehumanising even though I get their necessity when it comes to quantifying things and people. However, when one sees the numbers as regards migration, one is hardly ever able to visualise the cultural annexation that unconsciously takes place, or the complexity as one navigates belonging or the constant work involved when it comes to replicating community spaces. Though life does indeed become a bit more manageable for those who have sought better opportunities elsewhere, it doesn’t always mean the grass is greener or people are happier.
It has been eight long years since I have been to Guyana and I absolutely never thought I would ever say that. The first night I met my husband he asked what my plans were after university. He never lets me forget that in less than five seconds, I replied, “obviously go back home”. It came out instantly and naturally because another life was impossible to imagine even with the complexities, constant blackouts and the country’s haunting history.
Home feels natural for everyone despite its problems because regardless of where this may be for us, it gives us our first sense of belonging. It binds us with that sense of community, food, humour and the general way of life. My move back home after university in 2012 didn’t exactly pan out the way I expected it to and for more reasons that one, I grew increasingly anxious to leave. There was never any dislike for the place, but just for certain realities that at the time made living there feel unbearable. I started to develop this thought process that if I would just leave happiness could be achieved automatically and others things would be able to come more easily. I envisioned my current hurdles to be the biggest.
Perhaps the very extended winter may be contributing to my feelings but now more that ever certain things are clear when it comes to unpacking the emotional baggage and realities that come with migration.
Insular spaces
Life is hard wherever you go. Sure your former problems may have shrunk but this doesn’t mean different ones won’t arise. There is this pre-conceived notion that because societies in the North and West provide so much social care/help, it’s impossible to be unsatisfied. While that is partially true, these societies tend to be somewhat insular; meaning that people tend to just focus on their particular groups, hardly ever leaving room for newcomers. When problems arise, specifically those that aren’t typical, this can result in them seeming bigger than they are. Usually, there is hardly any support to navigate these problems or there is a misunderstanding about the way you would need to be supported to help you feel secure.
The replication
Rebuilding communities is a hard task and even more so when one is in a small town or a far-flung area. Sometimes those communities have to be rebuilt with people who have varying cultures and belief systems and while this isn’t and shouldn’t be a problem, even when we have found friends we should try to remember that complete replication just isn’t possible. You will have to learn to make compromises; to re-establish a new normal and a new sub culture is just something that we must learn to contend with.
Silenced by guilt
I have realised that even when many of us are experiencing the same thing, it is hardly ever openly discussed. We kind of just learn to accept reality. Perhaps we feel too guilty to complain because we think other problems are much bigger. Or there is that guilt that comes with the security of having a stable life in comparison to the one we had before. We have to constantly remind ourselves that guilt shouldn’t be attached when it comes to wanting better for ourselves. Further, besides monetary and social needs, it is the emotional needs that must forever be nurtured and humanised.
This is why numbers and statistics will always be a problem for me.
