“It wasn’t the easiest thing and I had to battle with it, but now, looking back, I believe I made the right decision and have no regrets. Sometimes we just have to do what is right and I understand that a lot of people may not want to do it and that is quite alright, but if you can, then go ahead, you never know the difference that could be made.”
I was having a recent conversation with a sister who for the last two years has been unofficially fostering a teenage child. From all indications the arrangement seems to be going fine as the child and those of this sister operate as blood siblings.
I asked how she got into such an arrangement and she admitted that it was not an easy decision to make.
“I had always said when I got married it would be me, my husband and my children. I didn’t want more than two children and we would have just been a close-knit, nuclear family. Well first thing, I got more than two children but you know I still kept it that way,” she told me.
“But this child started coming by us and at first I was not too comfortable but the kids got along quite well and I just left it. And then they asked to sleep over and I was hesitant but I said okay; but you could imagine I did not sleep that night.
“And then it moved from one night to two nights and ever so often they would come and sleep but one time when the children were away they asked to sleep and I said to my husband something was wrong.
“So I did some digging and found out the child was living in a very crowded home situation and so just wanted some space. Not that my house was not crowded too, but not as crowded and they had cramped space. Soon after, the child asked to come and live with us and that stopped me in my tracks.”
She then shared some experiences in her childhood (which I can’t share here) and which the child’s request took her back to. This sister said she thought for some time and she believes God had something to do with it because she came to the decision that she would take the child into her home.
“At first, I even shocked myself and then it took some convincing my husband. And then we start thinking about what people would say, well that was even before we had a conversation with the child’s parents. But you know how people are and I really didn’t want to just bring trouble into my home.
“Look, it is not like we’re rich or anything or that we don’t have our own problems to deal with. But this child is doing well in school and they are well behaved, very active in church and like I just wanted to give them a chance. But I knew people would have talked, it just happens but it was like I wanted to do it,” she told me.
After she made the decision, the parents of the child still had to be spoken to. I asked her about that.
“Well, I first told the child to talk to the parents; the same way they told me, they had to tell their parents. I am not sure how the conversation went but it was the mother who approached me and she was not too happy about the situation. At first, she didn’t say it, but it was like she felt I wanted to take her child away. Like I didn’t have enough,” she said with a dry laughter.
“I told her that I don’t want to take her child, but I could open my home to them since that is what they wanted. I discussed it with my children and the big one was not really for it, but I told him about our Christian beliefs and he came around.
“In the end the child came to live with us and to be honest, I really can’t complain. This child just fit into our family and they are just so helpful; there is no regret. But of course there were still other problems, like people asking the mother how she could give she child away.
“Now that is the thing with people. They see the condition the child was living in and they never give a helping hand but because I did, it was a issue. And of course I had to hear how I could just bring a stranger into my home but thank God so far I just block it all out,” she continued.
“And you know the parents still help out if the child needs something for school and so because as I said we are not rich so it is not that we could just support another child so whatever help they can give, and they have other children, they give straight to him. Food and so on, we take care of.
“Look, in this life you will find a lot of people who would say no, so if more of us say yes then we can make life better for others. I understand that people have all kinds of reasons to say no. You have fear of being accused of abuse and all that. But I am just grateful that so far it is alright and I can’t complain.
“I want to encourage people, if you can help, do it. You don’t have to open your doors if you don’t want to, but help a child or two if you see them in need. That is all we can do as human beings,” the sister said.
Kudos to this sister and her family because I am not at that place yet. And I agree with her; more of us need to just lend a helping hand where we can. Opening your door to a total stranger is a big undertaking and I am not suggesting that we should all go down that road. After all, we know the dangers of this. But we all can help from time to time so let’s lend that helping hand whenever we can.
