“Is not the best job, but is a job and I guess I got to be thankful. But I had to make a tough decision and now I don’t even know if it was the right one but only God know and time will tell.”
For the last five years, this single mother has been working as a security guard. It was a job she took when she became a single mother following separation from her husband. Initially, she worked strictly during the day and was at home with her minor children every night.
“Security work is not the best work but it was a honest living and once I get to go home to me children at night that is all I did want. I never use to like put on dah uniform but you know what I use to do? I would tell me children you see this [pointing to her uniform] this is what you go be wearing if you don’t tek in you education,” she said.
I asked if she thought her children were ashamed of her.
“I didn’t even study that but what I know is that I don’t want the same thing fuh dem so I telling them from early is not something for them to do. I working hard, hard, at times leaving me self hungry so they could go to school and all I want is fuh them tek in they education,” she answered.
Recently this sister had to make a decision that she is still grappling with.
“I had to either work night or lose me job,” she told me.
“Now a coulda say no but then I would be out of a job. I couldn’t argue because everybody was working night and day and I guess they say is now for me to work both shift. That thing rest with me because is only girl children I have and nobody don’t want to leave dem girl children alone at home much less in the night.
“I sit down and I talk to dem. Two a dem is teenager and you know I ask if they would stay alone with dem small one and they say yes. The first night you wouldn’t believe how much time I call home, is like me heart did racing whole night and I could wait to go home.
“But you know is nah say I want boast or anything but I never really worry that me children would leave the house and go out or suh. I did more frighten you know somebody break in or something. But thank God the house a lil secure and nothing never happen so far.
“The only thing wah does bother me is when really they going to bed because when I home I does have to chase them in they bed because is the internet all the time. Now when I not home you could imagine what time they sleeping? One time I did one turn off de internet but I does want call home and not every time I have credit.”
I was happy to hear the above from the sister because we all know that there are some teenagers who would make the road their friend if given the opportunity. This sister seems confident that her children will remain indoors and I imagine that fact contributes to her remaining calm. I told her as much.
“That is true. But I not saying all is well, you know. I think the week when I work night, every morning all a dem going to school late because I not there to see them off. One and two time I would meet home and none a dem ain’t leave yet. You could imagine how I does be upset and the more I talk is like the more they doing it,” she said, sounding frustrated.
“And is not just that, you know; the wares not washing, clothes here and there, the house like a confusion. Sometimes when I coming home in the morning I does dread it because I don’t know wah a guh find. I just have to learn to live with it, you know. That is the life for me.
“It is not easy as a tell you, but if at the end of the day all of me children could grow up and become something in this life then I would be happy. A does tell them is not for me but for them, you know, let them get a profession and be proud because it is not a good feeling when you not proud of you self.”
“Are you ashamed of yourself?” I asked her.
“Well I don’t want to work security and I does be shame but now I just learn to live with it,” she answered after a pause.
“I does comfort me self, you know because I does say I didn’t get to finish school; not because I drop out but I just couldn’t because of how poor me parents was. And then I get married young, so I does just sometimes thank God at least I get the strength to work and send me children to school. For me that is enough right now. I getting a salary. It might be small but I getting something. And then all me children going to school and they not doing too bad, you know, they does try.
“For me, I would have done something in this life if they all have a profession and they happy. I know they can’t be happy all de time but they must at least be proud of what they do; meet good men, marry and just live life.
“Life hard but you have to look at the positive and just live. That is what I trying to do, some days does be hard but when they bring home dem report cards I does be happy,” she said smiling.
I get where this sister is coming from. As parents, our greatest hope for our children, is that they are proud of the humans they are and they are relatively happy. Kudos to this sister and I pray that her daughters remain safe and focused in school as she toils to bring the bread home.
