“There are times I cannot believe we have the same parents. Like how can we be so different and how could it be that we almost seem to hate each other? I know hate is a strong term but that is how it feels at times.
“It is not something I would want to admit publicly and I try my best not to talk about it in public but at times it really gets to me.”
The words of a woman with five sisters with whom she has not had a harmonious relationship for years. During a recent conversation she commented that she was sometimes jealous of siblings who seem to have relatively good relations. From the outside looking in I was never the wiser that she had issues with her sisters. I told her that all siblings have issues at times because we are unique individuals and if you can have misunderstandings with your spouse, children and parents then it stands to reason that siblings’ relations are not always harmonious.
“It is not like that, with us it is more than that. At least with me and two of them we just cannot get along and when it is settled some of the most hurtful things are said and we can’t seem to get past it,” she replied.
“Sometimes I am really ashamed because whenever we meet up you can guarantee that there will be an issue. Even our parents would try for us not to get together but of course it happens and as you would expect we have problems. I feel like a stranger at times and this for me is the biggest problem, I don’t feel the connection.”
It was obvious that she was having a hard time explaining and even I was having difficulty understanding because I could not fathom it, especially since they all share the same parents.
I asked her if they ever attempted to sit and talk about it and maybe have a neutral person listen and offer an opinion.
“Let me tell you, if we only try that it would come to nothing. You know why? Because no one would accept that they wrong. I does say when I wrong and I not saying that to make myself look good because I do my share as well. But these two particular sisters, they never wrong and they would do some of the worse things,” she answered.
“It so bad that even they and them children don’t get along and that for me says a lot. I believe that there is something wrong with them but of course you can never tell them this. Maybe it is because they did not go far in school, I don’t want to say that I am better than them but their reasoning is just way off. It is like they just don’t understand anything.
“For them a buse and cuss down is the answer to everything. I not saying that I don’t give my share because when you see I upset I can say things that I am sorry for later. But with them, they always ready. They always right. They always know and once things not going according to what they say then is a problem. The other one bigger than me and it is not that we does really get along but we don’t quarrel a lot and we kinda okay but it is not that we have any real loving relationship.
“How they deal with things is by staying away. So you would see them like three times a year and in the family group they never have anything to say. But for me that is not really being a family.
“And our parents is of no help. My father don’t say a lot and my mother is whatever side of the bed she wake on that is the side she taking. Nothing really to help the situation because sometimes I feel she push fire more than anything.
“We can’t go out as sisters and have a good time and it come down to our children as well. They are not living good as cousins. But of course we can’t blame them because we are not setting the right example. At times I just want to move far away and forget about them but then I look around and see how some families living and I feel really sad.
“I would then try to do something and then it would just fall apart and I would feel worse then before and that is how it has been for years. Like a rollercoaster.
“At this age and stage in my life I am sadly concluding there is not much can be done. This is how it is going to be and now for my own peace of mind I just stay away as much as I can. I really don’t care much to be with them because it cause too much pain and stress so that is how we live. I find out from my mother mostly how things are going and that is it.
“But I wouldn’t lie I do feel sad at times, especially when I see how some other siblings live. We grew up in the same house and everything and now we can’t seem to be in a room for a few hours without an issue. That for me is really sad and it hurts but I have learnt to live with it. What else can I do? I don’t know what is the real problem. Not saying I am not at fault but I do feel I have tried my best,” she added.
I felt this sister’s pain but there was not much I could have said to comfort her. I have seven siblings. We all did not grow up in the same house but I am so happy that I have a relatively good relationship with all of them. It is not that we have not had issues but I would not trade them for anything and I wish this sister had just a little of what we share. It must be painful not to have a relationship with your own ‘flesh and blood’ but as she said sometimes for your peace of mind you just have to separate yourself. That’s just life.
