Purchasing gifts is such a time consuming, hit or miss, mind boggling task, especially when there is no gift registry. On the other hand, I know how low-key domineering sending out a registry invite link could come across. Perhaps it’s because the somewhat tactile reality of establishing what you want is a hard concept for many.
I also know how annoying it is to collect useless gifts that you are forced to keep because they are just too unfitting to re-gift. Striking a balance without seeming too pretentious, demanding or coming off as lazy on the giver’s end is difficult.
Many have found re-gifting to be a solution, but, if anything, in my opinion it just prolongs the weird cycle and not to mention lost opportunity for those really in need of a proper gift, whether for a housewarming, wedding, or baptism.
Apart from re-gifting being convenient for many stuck in the unpleasant gift receiving vortex, I find it a hurtful practice, especially if it is done within the same group of friends. It is not so much about the money spent but rather a reality check on how well you know your friend’s taste and the distrust that builds from there on because that surprised and happy performance they put on when opening it could have won them an Oscar.
Gift registries, though practical and efficient, even as they come off pretentious, take away from the surprise element and the labour that goes into making things special. In other words, there is no mystery. Settling in this new home has made me reflect on relationships and gift-giving protocols that I deem as useful for those giving and receiving
Establish your relationship with the receiver. If it’s a close friend, then asking beforehand to clarify that you are on the same page, I believe, is quite fine. If anything it shows how much more of a considerate friend you are. If there is a deep desire to maintain some element of mystery, it is okay to consult the significant other or close relative of the person receiving the gift. Even if clues can be found, as clichéd as this may sound it’s the thought behind the planning and execution that makes the gift a bit sweeter.
Stop assuming you know people and their tastes. I personally would stay away from décor items or monumental gifts. There is no need to overstep your friend by giving their child his/her first bike. There is no need to try to establish some sort of gift hierarchy based on your own frustrations and desires. In addition to that, giving someone a big ornament or worse yet, a plaque to be hung of your own choice is the worst. Things that are size specific should be scratched off the list because even if you know the person well enough to know that he/she would appreciate it, you don’t know if it would fit the space. The person should be central to the purpose, not what you might like for him or her. If for some reason you can’t seem to help yourself, ensure there is a return policy and keep the receipts. Let the person know that it’s okay to exchange because you certainly didn’t have any business buying something that would be problematic.
While it is ingrained in so many of us to not say what we want or try our best to come off as thankful, whatever is being gifted, if the question is asked, reply accordingly while trying to give ideas across varying budgets. For people now settling into new places literally everything is needed. Sure you may want your gift to stand out and not be basic but sometimes gifts that serve every usage are meaningful too. If anything, the gift would be remembered at the first set of things that helped the receiver to get settled in. So, if you really want hangers instead of glittery chinaware, ask for exactly that. Likewise, if someone says they want a gift card to decide when they have a clearer mind give them exactly that. We must learn to subtract ourselves from the equation and deal with things as they are.
Last but not least, if you must re-gift, try your best to do it in a different social circle and to do so according to need.
In summary, I think the key here is to establish your relationship with the person. This will determine how open they may be as to what they may want or how you can go ahead accessing that information. On the receiving end once questions are asked, answer them because not only are you doing yourself a favour by getting what you actually want, you are releasing the person doing the gifting of a significant burden. Spending time in two places has made me realise how much stuff we have accumulated. A significant amount of those things were gifted and never used. There is no need to continue this charade when we can all read the room, or at least try.
