The memes about Mariah Carey defrosting have already started to circulate on my social media. I normally take this as a nudge to start preparations and to emotionally prepare myself for the mental aerobics surrounding planning the season for us.
As an immigrant in the West, this is equivalent to our Guyanese sayings “bruking up” or “putting away” the house. Before the physical work starts, first up it’s your strategy and logistical planning that trumps everything so you can out manoeuvre the seasonal depression that always seems to hit. My goal every year has always been to plan our days months ahead, and by extension our travel plans, so the brain is so preoccupied and there is no time to grieve over what our days could be like if families were closely knit and borders weren’t so far.
Sometimes the planning is so intense that anticipatory anxiety steps in. So much planning, overestimation and anticipating how things should go, introduce a new type of fear.
I suppose it doesn’t feel like that at the inception, as the focus is on safeguarding yourself but I am slowly learning not to cater to every likely situation. I am slowly learning not to put so many thoughts and feelings into perfection because if things don’t go well, more than likely I will probably feel even more miserable.
As much as we sometimes feel a disconnect with our families abroad and have our own estimation of how different their lives are, one thing is certain: around that time we are all missing the things that are most familiar to us. If you know someone unable to come home, navigating building a community in a foreign space, it would be helpful to share the following tips to lessen the upcoming winter and holiday blues
Lessen perfectionist language
Encourage them to lessen their use of the words always and never. While things may not go as planned, for me these words strengthen a mind that isn’t open to deal with something new or different. They set a mood that could potentially dampen future events and plans.
Social media
Encourage them to do a social media detox. There is nothing worse than seeing matching pyjama family photos and family lunches when you are sitting miles away not sure who will pop by during the season. Social media can amplify your feelings of loneliness and it’s probably better to get ahead of the detox before the holiday posts, or at the very least try to navigate it mindfully and try to remember what we see are only ever the good aspects and what people choose to share.
New traditions
Growing up, I remember delivering presents with my mom and my siblings every Christmas Eve. Going to church on this night with our Godmother was also part of the yearly traditions. For a long time it felt like this was the only way to capture the ease and warmth we felt during that time. Encourage your friends and family to start new traditions. While they might not be like the pepperpot on Christmas morning or the cook-up rice on old year’s night, new traditions help create a special memory for wherever home may be for you at the time.
