“I can’t believe this is the order. I don’t know what I will do with my children. This is too much. How could the judge make such an order? Is like my life over…”
As she spoke she was sobbing uncontrollably and at one point I only heard her big heaving sobs and I felt so helpless. I had so many questions but I couldn’t ask them. It was not as if she was able to answer them. I had spoken to her before the court session and told her that there was no way the judge would remove her children from her custody.
‘Just pray and be positive,’ I typed to her in a message and she responded, ‘Thank you, I will’.
Hours later, we were having this gut-wrenching conversation. Tears rolled down my cheeks; I couldn’t help them, the pain and sorrow in the sister’s voice and her sobs would make anyone weep. I asked how and why it was happening to her.
“If they take my children I will have to go somewhere because I can’t stay in this house without my children. Those are my children!” she shrieked.
“I am sorry. I am so sorry for screaming…,” she said, as she descended into another bout of sobbing.
I quickly told her that it was alright, well I tried to tell her I am not sure my voice was audible or she was really listening as she sobbed, and sobbed.
When she calmed down she spoke again and I tried to piece together what she was saying.
“I think is the welfare officer. I don’t know what she told the judge but I was not hearing properly. And when I tried to speak like they were not hearing me either and I try to turn up the volume on my phone but then like I turned it down and they were not hearing,” she shared.
“I see the judge talking, I see everybody talking and he [the children’s father] shaking his head and is like I don’t know what the hell is going on. And then I hear the judge like she was talking to my lawyer and saying that she will ensure that he get custody of the children and that we will come back to court on the [the date is left out for confidentiality],” she tried to explain.
“And then just like that the case finish and I don’t know what to do. My children are at school. How am I going and tell them this? How I telling them this?” she asked.
And she cried some more.
“It was really hard to keep track of what was being said because like the internet was not working good. But I still can’t believe that this judge make this order. It just not right. I want to get onto my lawyer and I not getting through. I don’t have no credit. I even trying to get on to his lawyer to find out because I don’t want to be in breach of any order. But how they go take me children,” she sobbed.
“Is time like this I does ask God why me. Like why I living when all of this happening to me? If it was not for my children I don’t know…” and she trailed off.
“You know you can call his lawyer and see if you get through,” she said to me.
I was hesitant and asked her what I am supposed to say to the lawyer.
“Well just tell her you calling on behalf of me and that I want to find out what really happen and when they supposed to collect the children,” she told me.
I called thrice with no answer. She then asked me to call her lawyer’s office and I did but that was unsuccessful as well. I left a detailed message.
I was back and forth on the phone with this sister as I tried to calm her down and help in whatever way I could.
“I think I need counselling. I have to talk to somebody because I really can’t take this thing,” she sobbed at one point.
I attempted to assist with this as well but had to take a break when she indicated she was leaving the house, her phone was not receiving direct calls and she had no data.
She later called to say the phone was fixed and she was heading to her lawyer’s office which was some miles away.
My phone rang again later.
“Girl, if I tell you, I didn’t understand the thing properly. I was not hearing properly…,” she said immediately after I answered the phone.
Her words were almost rushed but it was as if it was a totally different person. Her voice sounded joyous. “The judge didn’t order that he must get the children. I just hear interim order, custody and children and I thought she say the children must go with him, but is not that,” she continued, almost laughing as she spoke.
She later explained that her lawyer indicated that the judge asked that she facilitate the father getting access to the children during his court ordered time with them..
“Like he was saying he not getting access. But that is not so. He don’t want spend time with the children because he could get to spend time with them but he don’t make the time,” she told me.
“Man, I really sorry how I behaved this morning but I thought the judge say my children have to go and live with the father and I really can’t take that right now,” she continued.
I am sure I was as relieved as she was because I was so worried for this sister and I was like ‘fish out of water’ so to speak for the entire day as I contemplated her situation.
This sister’s experience is a classic example why certain cases should not be held virtually. COVID-19 came and kudos to the court for keeping its doors open, even though it was virtually. And maybe there is still some wisdom in continuing some cases in this manner. But it is definitely time for the court to mandate that certain cases, especially those that are sensitive and involve children, be done in person.
It might be a little extra burdensome with travelling and other factors, but it would avoid experiences such as the sister had. God forbid she had not called me but instead decided on another course of action. No more virtual cases for matters that involve children, especially those that are custody hearings. Those sensitive matters should be discussed in person to ensure all parties are involved and are given a hearing.
As for this sister, her joy last week was temporary, she still has a long journey to some semblance of normalcy but for now she happily has her children with her. She is thanking God for that privilege.
