Holidays are weirdly tortuous when you are an immigrant. It almost feels like an endless marathon, trying to recreate the magic of the holidays that you were once accustomed to, knowing fully well it will culminate with feeling a profound sense of loss sandwiched in droplets of happiness and disappointment at having yet another season come around and still not managing to get it quite right.
How many years will it take to get over it? I ask myself this constantly. How much consumerism should I lean into to numb this weirdness that I feel? And more importantly, why am I still considering it a loss?
If given a choice, would I still opt for a different life? Whether it be Easter, Christmas, Eid or Diwali we all have our expectations of how the season should be enjoyed and for sure it doesn’t help that added pressure is felt when we are in such proximity to seeing (via social media) how well curated other people’s fun looks.
For those dealing with family conflict, divorce, or any sense of loss really, constant reminders of other people’s happiness can be triggering even if you are the most well intentioned person. As we observe endless festivities in the months of March and April that can tug at the heartstrings because they bring together families and evoke nostalgia, this week I want to share tips on how I get through any holiday season.
Share the preparation
I roll my eyes every time I hear the word potluck. As much as I am a control freak, it wears me down trying to do everything. I suppose having total control signals to my brain that if I monitor everything it will most likely deliver the emotional piece of the puzzle that seems to be missing during every period and it usually doesn’t. Try your best not to micromanage every detail. If you are having a gathering like I am this year for Easter, allow others to contribute. A sense of community can never be built by one person and one person only.
New traditions
Celebrating Easter as an Anglican in a country that is mostly Orthodox Christian feels isolating and though I take pride in having two of every holiday because of my husband it often feels as if my own culture is being eroded. Here lies an opportunity to create something totally new and fresh. I read somewhere that culture is just peer pressure from the ancestors. Not having the chance to do things you were used to really and truly isn’t the end all. Embrace the reality of having the opportunity to do things differently wholeheartedly. Perhaps here is where the cure of sense of loss lies.
Lean into routines
Holidays can feel like deadlines and our routine tends to go up in flames as we run around like headless chickens trying to do everything all at once. Leaning into our usual way of doing things helps to keep us grounded and reminds us that life is still going to go on after we have poured everything into that one day. If there is anything that I learnt, it is that neglecting ourselves during these hectic periods will only aggravate our sense of instability even more. So don’t skip gym and breakfast or anything that you are used to doing.
However you are spending your holiday period, I hope that it is a joyful one filled with ease, rejuvenation and peace.
