I think that one of the best ways to show you appreciate someone is by offering them your time and effort. Zeroing in on the details for birthdays and special occasions to just let them know your interest in them goes way beyond the standard pleasantries, feels so absent in this informal chit and chat, social media and text-don’t-call era.
Although it drains me to my core and on the actual day I murmur to myself about a thousand times over “never again, this is too much wuk’’ hosting people is probably one of my favourite things to do. My friend told me that I was born to be a homemaker because I literally jump at any opportunity to entertain.
It is not only the sense of community I enjoy when the dinners, lunches or brunches take place, but the process of creating the ambiance and symphony of tastes in the dishes, hoping that care is felt. Let me not stifle my conscience, it feels nice when people rave about your food.
I also find that the conversations at home gatherings, as opposed to restaurant outings, tend to be more relaxed. Maybe because there is typically no exchange of money, so expectations aren’t placed on the front burners and there is more or less a sense of comfortable familiarity as both guests and hosts know what to expect. That being said, even as we take up the role as either the guest or host there are still socially polite rules to be followed.
For the host
1. Unless it is a potluck and you have not specifically indicated that you need help with the food, the responsibility rests with you to cater to all your guests; even those with diet restrictions. It is also your responsibility to make sure you’re aware of this beforehand.
2. I am from Guyana, so I understand that wearing shoes in the house is a big no-no; it is for me too. For those who may find walking barefoot uncomfortable, offer house shoes (bedroom slippers). I usually leave fresh, clean ones in a basket at the door, so people always know the drill. I have amassed quite a collection as I always take them from hotels when I checkout; every time. Even if you have your home rules try to work around them so people feel at ease and at home.
3. While it is not a restaurant try your best to prep and anticipate all the small things that you may need and keep them handy. I am not a fan of disposable plates and cutlery, but if you are, stock up and if you choose to use your glassware and silverware make sure you have ample pieces at hand.
For the guest
If you will be late or are unable to attend, let it be known ahead of time. Try your best to ensure that it is you reaching out to the host, letting them know as opposed to them chasing you up to just hear a no. That almost always feels like you are not worth it.
Resist the urge to make the prompt for when the dinner should get underway, especially if it’s a small dinner party. Other guests might have related that they will be late. I understand it’s awful to be kept waiting, but at least try to show a little sense of grace and allowance. It is always awkward to walk in on something halfway through.
If the event is being catered and you want to take along something, check in with the host first. Don’t show up with surprises that take away from anything they have planned. A drink or flowers I find to be socially acceptable, if you really want to plan a surprise and show your appreciation for the effort.
Offer to help. Even though it is almost always denied, still do it.
Once the gathering is over, there are still loads left to do for the person hosting, so try your best to not get carried away with the time. I find it equally rude to arrive on time as I do for people who aim to rush away straight after they have shown their face and done a bit of socialising. I believe four to five hours is ample time to spend depending on the size of the gathering.
Try your best to imagine it is your home. Treat the furniture and anything in it with respect and delicate hands. If you have children, it is your duty to watch over them. In Germany, I learnt that many people have special insurance for accidents that may occur when visiting the home of someone else. If you aren’t prepared to fork out a replacement or don’t have insurance, the best bet is to keep your hands to your side .
Whether you are a host or guest, over the years I have learnt that both come with their own sets of social protocols.
