“As a mother sometimes I don’t know what to do but it does hurt me really bad. I know I was not the best but I does try, that is the most I can do try.”
A mother of five relating a recent misunderstanding she had with her eldest child. As she spoke tears rolled down her cheeks and I looked away because I was not sure what to say at that moment. I hurt for her but wondered what else I could do.
“If you know how she cuss me out. She cuss me out nasty and all I could do was cry because I can’t beat she or nothing but I just cry and say to me self how me own child could do this. Things what I would never think about saying to me mother she saying to me,” she told me as her voice quivered.
For this sister, as is the case with many, life has not been easy and unfortunately, for years she thought having someone in her life was the answer. But it did not work out and now she is a single mother of five. Her eldest is a young adult and their relationship is rocky, to say the least.
“It is like this girl just angry all the time and I don’t know why. I know we didn’t have life easy but a lot of people have life hard. You just have to try and make the best of it and that is what I does try to show this girl but she not listening.
“Like the other day is simple I talking to this girl about she behaviour. I didn’t busing or anything I just trying to like talk to she like a mother and this girl just flare up on me. It was like I was the worse thing in the world. She curse me, I tell you, using bad words and I was so shame because people could hear and she didn’t care anything,” she said, crying again.
She took a few minutes to compose herself as the tears flowed so much she could no longer speak.
I asked her if she tried asking someone else to speak to the young woman since it was difficult for her to do so considering her reaction.
“This girl move out from me already, you know. Is like sometimes I think she hate me but I trying. I don’t hate her and I trying to love she. But I have the other four children and so sometimes I can’t give she all the attention she must be want because she done big.
“And sometimes I feel people does be stuffing up she head with things; my own family them. I don’t know why but that is how it does seem. Like that day she was cursing, my family was around and nobody didn’t even say anything. It was like they happy it happening,” she told me.
I asked about her daughter’s father and whether he plays a role in her life.
“He is another one. Today he there, then tomorrow he gone. So it is not like he in she life all the time and this must be affecting she, but I don’t know. I try to send her to school, it was not easy but she didn’t do well and I couldn’t even blame she because the times was hard.
“I telling you, I know that life not easy and is a lot of punishment we went through and still going through, but I think when you get big, you know, you must understand. Growing up I didn’t have it easy either but I wouldn’t take my eyes and pass my mother like that,” she lamented.
“My only prayer sometimes is that the others don’t do the same thing. They getting big and seeing what she does be doing and I don’t think I could able with all a them to do it.
“I does have to go work. The job don’t pay me much, but is still a job and when she behave like that, is like I don’t be in the frame of mind. I trying to get something for she to do so you know she can do something with she life. I does say maybe is because she home all the time that she does behave like that at times,” she told me.
The sister told me she had her eldest at a very young age.
“So you know I didn’t really know how to take care of a child and is me mother use to help and is like maybe she don’t see me as she mother at times. And then by the time I could learn I was pregnant again so you know I use to had to get help with she.
“Look, like everybody else, if I could go back some things I wouldn’t do but I can’t go back and I accept that everything already done happen. I just trying to live now. I turn me life around and I trying to live for my children; be a example but like with she it just not happening,” she said with a sad shake of her head.
I asked if she ever thought about professional counselling as a means of intervention.
“I don’t even know where to start. I does like talk to them big people around and you know like church people but don’t know like how to get like a counsellor to talk to she,” she answered.
I told her that she would also have to be in sessions as they both need some assistance in dealing with their relationship.
“Well I don’t really have the time and I don’t know if she have to pay. But this woman tell me the other day that she will bring somebody to talk to she and me because it is like it getting overbearing. And you know I does try not to quarrel with this girl or anything because like is anything triggering she now so I does take it easy but like it not helping.
“Then she would move out and gone by one a me family them and they don’t come and ask what happen or try to encourage she to come back home. Is like them happy. But all the time she does come back because I is still she mother and I is not the worst mother in the world. I love me children and I does try. God know I does try,” she told me.
“You does mek children you don’t mek them mind. That is what old people does say and maybe it is true. I say it before, I not a perfect person and I do things that I regret but I was not the worst and is not the worst and right now I trying,” she said almost pleadingly.
‘I still young but I not looking for nobody anymore because all me life is like I can’t find somebody to stay and build a life with me so now I just have to try and build a life with me children and when they get big and gone God will be with me,” she added.
I will continue to support this sister as much as I can and only hope that as her daughter gets older their relationship will improve. This sister, as she said, is not perfect but she is trying and making the best of life as she could. I can only hope she manages to support her children and build a life with and for them as she promised.
