Today is Father’s Day and I want to tell fathers that they are very special. It is not often that they are celebrated, so in this space, which is dedicated to women and as a woman I want to ‘hail up’ fathers.
Yes there are bad fathers, as there are mothers, but there are many men just trying to be the best fathers they can be. They may not be able to provide all their children’s needs but just being there is enough because they influence how their sons and daughters evolve into adulthood.
I am anxious about sharing personal details about my life publicly, but today, apart from my Heavenly Father God, who has kept me all these years, the two fathers who are closest to me (my father and my husband) are good men. Perfect men they are not, but they are good men and I am grateful they are in my life.
I didn’t grow up with my father and that has not been easy; in fact, even today I am still processing this. But with time it becomes easier and I have a good relationship with him. I am thankful for him and I don’t regret that he is my dad, even though he was missing during my childhood. I mourn that fact but I celebrate today that he is my father and for me that is a big win.
Fathers, you should never give up on your children. If you erred in the past, don’t hesitate to work to make it up as long as you have life. Those children, whether they are adults or not, are your offspring and the relationship is continuous until you leave this earth. Even if they are not as receptive (because you may have been absent during their childhood) don’t stop trying. It is your duty.
Below I republish a piece from 2021 on a daughter’s take on the relationship she has with her father.
The best dad in the world
“Growing up my father was my rock. I looked up to him and it was like he could do no wrong. When I think of my childhood days, my father first comes to mind,” she said smiling sweetly as she reminisced.
“It is not that he spoke a lot but it was more like he always found time to listen to me. He worked, but whenever he was around it was like I knew I always had someone to listen to me, that was the best part,” she added.
“I have no issue sharing my identity, but my father is a private person and I don’t want to make my mother jealous so I prefer to just leave it as it is. I celebrate my father all the time and he knows how I feel about him so I prefer not to give my name,” she told me when I asked if I could use her identity.
“Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that my mother is a bad person but she was always busy doing something.
She was too busy to play, too busy to listen but I know she loves me. But I just wished she would have spent more time doing fun things with me,” she continued.
“That is where my father came in. Like I said he was never busy to hear me talk and when I was younger it was me babbling about all kinds of things but he made me feel like I was talking about the most important thing in the world. I cannot remember my father ever scolding me, I am sure he must have but I cannot remember, maybe I blocked it out.
“There are two of us… both girls and you know sometimes I wondered if my father would have preferred at least one boy. If he did we never knew because he spent time with both of us and I am sure I can speak for my sister; we just had the best dad in the world.
“He would help us with our schoolwork. He would come and visit at school sometimes and there were times when he would sit and watch our favourite movies with us. Mom would watch but she was always distracted, she made the popcorn and she would sit a little then she would get up and do something else, maybe start preparing for the next day. It was never a case of her sitting and really enjoying the movie with us.
“I am sure our mom thought she was doing what was best but looking back now I wish she would have just left some things and spent more time with us. She worked and then she would come and take care of the home so I know it must have been hard for her but I just wished I had more of her time.
Dad helped out, but I would be lying if I said he did a lot. And yes most times when he came home mom would have his dinner and so prepared so…” she trailed off.
She was silent for a while and while I can’t read minds I believe she was debating whether she was being unfair to her mother.
“I don’t want to paint a picture that my father was a perfect man, but I want to say he was the best dad. If I had to be a child again, I would want the same father,” she said after a while.
“And of course the same mother. I love my mom fiercely but as I said I just wished she made some more time for us,” she added quickly.
“But you know what else? My dad was the first man to tell me and my sister that we were beautiful. He always told us that we are the best and that we could conquer the world. We were never brilliant but he would push us to do our best and tell us there is nothing that we could not accomplish.
“Today both of us are fairly successful and we have families of our own and I believe the women we are today is a testimony to the man we had for a father. And yes our mother too but it is Father’s Day and I want to say that our father, I know I said before, but he was the best.
“Men don’t always get the praise they deserve so you know I just want to say my father was a good father.
I know some might say why not say who he is but I just don’t want that public scrutiny. Some people might not disagree or agree with me and I don’t want to take what was intended to be good and make it bad. I know and my sister knows that our father was the best and we want to keep it that way,” the young sister added.
“I just want to say to all the men out there, just play your part in your children’s lives no matter if you live with them or not. Let them know that they have a father and he loves them. I pray that when my daughters become adults they can look back too and say they had the best father. To all the fathers out there I want to say Happy Father’s Day and for those of you who know you need to do more for your children, it is not too late. Do it now,” she ended.
Something this sister said resonated with me. Recently, my sons and I were listening to a presentation and the presenter spoke about spending time doing fun things with your children. My nine-year-old, the more outspoken of the two, turned to me and told me I was always busy.
“You don’t play with us, you always cooking, washing, cleaning or then you sleeping or watching Law & Order Special Victim Unit. Daddy does play football and cricket with us but now sometimes he busy too,” he told me.
Mothers let us not find ourselves too busy taking care of the family and not enjoying our children and playing a vital part in their upbringing, especially the fun part. Yes, we do our best to ensure they go to school, eat, have clean clothes and all the like, but they will remember all the fun times you had with them.
That being said, I don’t want to steal from fathers, this piece is really about fathers and I want to take this opportunity to wish all fathers, especially my father and my husband, a happy, happy Father’s Day.
