I miss dating whenever I hear about the stories of some of my girlfriends even though I abhor that it often felt, and probably still feels, like an unending time-wasting Netflix series. My husband’s favourite thing to do is remind me that after our second date I kept asking him for a decisive confirmation on where this was going.
While I’m probably not cut out for lengthy periods of dating, I suppose it’s the rush and anticipation that goes into strategically planning what could possibly lead to a lifetime partnership/ relationship that intrigues me. Love is always joyful.
I love to hear from my friends on what the dating scene is like and chime in with my “if I were you” comments. I have so many fond memories of putting together replies to messages with my girlfriends for other friends and trying to decode received messages. But now, it seems as if dating has morphed into learning to navigate an even more ultra individualistic era heavily influenced by a new social media playbook and the comparison monster. An era where hook-up culture (if that’s your cup of tea, great!) seems to dominate and commitment is referred to as being ‘tied down’. The notions of commitment are being rewritten with follows and social media ‘soft launches’.
Quality relationships require work and if anything dating and in particular online dating make relationships feel easily disposable. Just swipe right, or is it left? for your next option if you don’t believe. These personality and interest boxes that one is meant to fill out to get their profiles started almost convince you that perfection is just another swipe away and that we can narrow down our options easily and in the most ideal way, avoiding all the clutter aka potential heartbreak. Too often, no room is left for the disappointments that naturally come with human nature.
I almost felt like a ‘big aunty’ when my friend asked me if she was being too picky. What do I know, really? But I suppose close to being 10 years married does gather you a bit of life experience and perhaps missing out on the whole online dating phenomenon didn’t rewire me in the ways modern society now approaches dating.
I found myself circling back to that same reminder that always seems to amuse my husband. It’s decisiveness, I said. The harder part was acting accordingly when intentions are made clear and even when they are allegedly unclear. And the hardest of them all is keeping in mind that there are real people behind the boxes and screens who can’t necessarily always fit into such a narrow personality box. It is all a very delicate balancing act and probably something that can’t be delivered through an algorithm.
As much as online dating promises to deliver and as much as it has reshaped us into thinking we can find a perfect match, it has eroded parts of our humanness to dive deeper. This isn’t to say that we should embrace emotional struggle culture just to be in a relationship, but it is understanding that unlike our Amazon Prime and food delivery apps, relationships aren’t that simple and there is no such thing as instant and continuous gelling with no dispute whatsoever.
At our core, despite what we may feel, we all still yearn for connection, support and intimate emotional moments that there is no checkbox for. They will probably not be seen on a first date where both of your mouths are filled with food. After all, a swipe can only take you up to a certain point.
