On June 9th this column published a mother’s lament over her son having gotten married in haste and the numerous issues he and his wife were having.
“Girl, it can’t work and before my son go mad or I lose him, is better it done,” she told me recently about the union.
Almost in tears, the mother told me about the many issues the young couple were experiencing. “They shouldn’t a get married and I as a mother like I want blame me self because I feel if I did talk to him more and he wouldn’t do it,” she said, sounding very frustrated.
I am not at liberty to disclose all that this sister told me but I just wanted to inform readers that the couple are no longer living together and the very short marriage appears to be over.
“All I can tell a mother and father is to try to play a part when they children looking to get married because when the problems start is you have to help you child. I not saying that people don’t get married but this girl didn’t really want to get marry and is all I can say,” she told me.
Here is the previous column:
“As a mother I am hurting for my child and all I can do is pray that everything works. If it was left up to me the marriage woulda never happen but now I just have to pray and pray.”
As this sister spoke tears were in her eyes and I saw the pain she felt for her child. Her son. Many times, we hear mothers talk about how their daughters are being treated by their spouses but we seldom hear of how sons are treated. This sister has had enough and she supports her son ending the marriage for his own mental health safety.
“You know you does hear how man does beat up woman and so and that is wrong and I wouldn’t want that for any of me daughters but you don’t hear when woman treating man bad. She can’t hit him but is how she does treat me son is only lef for me to cry.
“I try talking to them together. I try talking to she alone and nothing. Is like this girl believe that me son, by he quiet, he stupid. But me son have feelings and he have mother and father and we does feel for he to,” she told me.
“And you know when children don’t hear they does feel but is all a we feeling it right now. I tell my son don’t rush and get marry because it was not even long he know the girl. But the child tell me that is the woman he want marry and I couldn’t do nothing but support he. But I seeing the signs all the time… I know that children don’t have to always be like they parents, but when I look at she mother and how she does live with she husband like I just did know,” she continued.
This sister told me that apart from the above she felt that her son was too young to get married.
“I get marry when I was very young and thank God it work out. We had our bad and good times but we still together. But looking back I don’t think I shoulda marry so young, I didn’t even give me self a chance. I was a teenager when I get marry so I didn’t want that for any of me children. I want them to try and build a life you know.
“I done regret that none a them ain’t really have no education but I say with hard work they could still make it in this life. So when he come to me with the marry talk I try to talk he out of it because I know he was not ready. He couldn’t even support he self much less a wife. And then I didn’t want that as soon as he become big. He is not even 23 yet. I woulda like say when he is 25 and older then he could talk about that,” she shared.
“But no, the child say he want marry and we just had to go along with it. And from day one it didn’t work out. They always quarrelling. I not saying my child always right. If you know I quarrel with he sometimes when I see he do something. But this girl not ready for marriage, if you hear how she would talk to my son.
“She don’t want do nothing in the house. She get a husband who always doing he part in the house and working hard. But it is as if this girl want sit down and be pretty, that is all she care about. I don’t know if that is what her mother telling her… I even go as far to try to talk to she mother and father because you know I was feeling it,” she told me.
“After a while you could see like me poor son give up, but he say ‘mommy is me wife and I have to try’ but it was like he alone was trying. It was as if this girl just didn’t care about whether the marriage work out or not. Or maybe she say he done marry she and that is it.
“In the end though, is she leave the house. She gone back by she mother them. I don’t know what she tell them because they never come and ask or try to find out. But for me I was happy to be honest,” she said.
“It was hard for my son though, he didn’t say anything much but you could see he was hurting. I would try to talk to him and he said it happen for the best but he still look so sad. But I would make it my duty to try to keep them apart. They are not good for each other and I just want my son to grow and be a real man before he talk about marriage,” she continued
I pointed out to the sister that her son was already married and more than likely the couple would get back together. She shook her head almost violently telling me that it would not happen, but after a few minutes of silence she agreed.
“Maybe you are right because look how much time husband and wife does separate and come back together. I trying for it not to happen, but you right he might take her back. And wah I go do but support he,” she said quietly.
“For me I hope he hold to he word that this is it because he know he was not happy and I don’t see why he would want to go back in unhappiness. I done tell he that he would not be the first nor the last,” she added.
I asked her whether the fact that it was the woman who moved might not suggest fault on her son’s part.
“Not at all. I could put me head on a block for my son because I was seeing what was going on. This girl want she own way and is like she now regret she is a wife and because she mother used to do everything for she when she was at home she can’t do nothing for she self and husband. I tell you me son does work hard and he doesn’t complain when he have to do things in the house. He used to see he father doing things in the house. But this girl don’t want to do nothing. Is like she is a queen and he is a servant,” she answered.
I saw the pain this sister felt for her child and she spoke with such passion. She told me that she might not be the perfect mother but she tried to raise her sons to treat women the best they could and from all indications her son tried.
Before we ended the conversation I told the sister to continue to support her son and if he did reconcile with his wife, to support the couple and with time and counselling the marriage could work out. She was not very receptive to the last part of the advice but promised, “I guh try”.
Unfortunately, from all indications the short-lived marriage is over.
