“I does hear people say that some people shouldn’t have children and I would say to myself that is not a kind thing to say. But I tell you with my neighbour I believe that statement. I try not to mind people business but I does can’t help it with this woman,” a sister told me recently.
“One morning I wake up and I hearing she, ‘What the f..k you want? Why you don’t sit the f..k down and leave me alone?’ So I say to myself she busing somebody or she and she partner getting wrong. I went at the back and I see is just she and her little child. The girl can’t be three yet because she not going to school, and I realise is this child she was using those words on,” the sister related.
“And it is not the first time. Sometimes I really feel sorry for the child. Most times, is just the two of them at home and if you hear the language she uses on that child. I don’t know if she frustrated or what because before she use to be out more than in, but now she is home most times and she always cursing that little girl.
“I don’t want to like condemn her or anything because I don’t know what she is going through, but I can’t support her speaking to the child like that. And it is just she and the child home most times so I wonder what this child could do she so bad that she have to behave like that. If she had about five of them I wouldn’t give she right but I would like understand more,” the sister continued.
I told the sister I may be the way her neighbour was socialised and she may have experienced similar abuse from her parents during her childhood. Many times it is hard for humans to break the cycle, whether good or bad, and unfortunately more often than not, bad and damaging behaviours are continued from generation to generation.
“ I know what you are saying, but let me tell you something. I grow up with my mother cursing us as children, beat and curse used to go hand in hand. But since as a child I used to tell myself that when I grow up I would not use such language on my children. And it was not just my mother, her sisters [as well],” she told me.
“And I thank God that is one thing I don’t do. I not saying I is a perfect mother or anything because I does wish I could do better but I don’t use certain language at all.
“But with my neighbour is more than the cursing you know. She get two more children, them older. One day I just see them not there anymore and I used to like wonder what happen, if they migrate or something. But you know I would say morning and good afternoon but I didn’t like want to ask her.
“But a day I passing and is just like that she stop me. Like she really was having a bad day. And she tell me this whole story how the children gone by their father – I used to think the man that was living was their father – and how she facing a whole lot of trouble and like she don’t know what to do. She told me that the two older children told their father that they were sexually abused by her partner,” the sister revealed.
“When she tell me that, like I freeze up and I didn’t know what to say. And she turn and tell me ‘I didn’t know I woulda never agree to dah and you ain’t see he not here anymore?’ I did not even realise that the man was not there anymore. She told me that the police and Childcare involved and even though the man was not there anymore the children preferred to stay with their father. ‘I don’t know, is me dem grow with from small and now like they don’t even want come see me’ she told me. I couldn’t say anything really to her at that moment,” she said.
The sister further told me that she spent about an hour talking to her neighbour who cried at some point during their conversation. She said she encouraged her to ensure that the matter is investigated and to support her children during the process.
“Well I never like ask she back what happen but I never see the two big children again. But after a while I see the same man coming; he would like visit in the night and then leave in the morning. And you know I say to myself, what is this? And then the next thing I know the man is right back at the house living,” the sister said.
“Now I don’t know what happen. I don’t know if the police say no charge or what but she and this man back together and from how things look she and she big children not really having a good relationship because at least they don’t come. And I say to myself, how they would want to come when this man was living there.
“I believe even if the police say no charge that she should not take the man back because he and the children would not get along and you must put your children first, at least that is how I look at it. And now is just she and the little one and she just cursing the child,” the sister said sadly.
I agreed with the sister on that point. I, and I guess most of you reading, could never understand how women remain with men who are accused of abusing their children. There are cases of men being charged and women believing their partners over their children. For me they are mothers who should never have children.
As parents, especially mothers, we are there to support and protect our children. We are their first line of defence and when we fail our children grow up to be damaged adults. Often, they don’t forgive us. Let us strive to love our children and create safe and protective environments for them. We might not be able to give them everything they want or even need, but if we do our best as mothers and care for them, then we are giving them the best gift life has to offer. We will never get it right all the time but let us strive and do the best we can.
