“It is sad that we have to make an appointment for us to speak!”
The shocking words (I think to both of us) of a friend recently as we made a phone call date. Yep, we set a date and time when we would catch up after maybe a month or two.
In the last week, I made appointments to speak to two friends. One was kept, and the other we both forgot as we were buried in domestic chores, but we hope to make it soon enough.
I have noticed in recent years that time shrinks; somehow there is not enough time for so many things. It is not that I am doing more; it is just that there seems not to be enough time, and I am tired most of the time. Yea, that last part really gets to me.
I have heard many say that if someone is important to you, you will find the time for them, and for a while, I believed it.
But in recent times, I have started to question that statement.
Look, if one of my friends (and I don’t have too many) is in a crisis and they call upon me I would drop everything and try to assist as much as is humanly possible. But there are times when I just don’t find the time to check in with them.
Let me just digress a bit. I am sharing these sentiments because, as we get older, it seems that too many of us are not finding the time for those outside of our immediate household because it seems as if the time is just not enough.
Maybe my writing about it will help me do better. Sometimes I feel like such a lousy friend because, even as I think about one of my particular friends and say to myself that I should call them, I just drift off to sleep.
Before WhatsApp, it was so much easier to speak to friends outside, and even in Guyana, I had a particular friend with whom I communicated at least once a week via email.
Today, sadly, two or even three weeks or maybe a month (who is counting) would go by without even a ‘Good morning, how are you doing?’.
I don’t love her any less, that is just our present reality.
For me, having friends is important. I have heard so many people scoff at having friends because maybe they have had bad experiences in the past, and some say all women do is gossip. But that is not true; once you have the right friends.
Having a husband and children does not take away from the fact that we women need good, wholesome female connections.
My friends are like my sounding board for so many things, and I love them and they are important to me.
Yet I seem to find less and less time for them. Is it that as I get older, I am more tired and just want to hit the bed as soon as possible? Am I just overwhelmed by life and all that it offers? Am I becoming a recluse? Am I being selfish?
All the above questions swirl in my mind at times, often when I am drifting off into a heavy state of sleep (lol). I sometimes don’t even find enough time to chat with my siblings, and this makes me feel guilty as well.
As women, why are we so taken up with house chores? Is it because of the way we socialise? I confess that I would not sleep well if my kitchen sink was filled with dishes. So no matter how tired I am, I wash those dishes once I know about them. If others use them and I don’t know, then it would not bother me.
There is nothing wrong with taking a rest, even if your house is in a state of disarray. After all, if you die today, tomorrow life goes on. Yes, all of that is true. Then why do I ‘kill myself’ trying to get everything in order? Hardly anyone visits my home (that is the truth and nothing but the truth), so why am I ‘killing myself’ with housework?
I can’t answer, but it takes up a significant part of my time. Work, church, husband, and children consume the remainder, and I am left having to make appointments to speak to my friends. You have noticed I said speak and not go out; the latter rarely happens, sadly. Sometimes I get tired just thinking about it.
Some might say it is a sad existence. Well, not really, but I do feel sad when I am not in communication with my friends as I ought to.
Here is what the Mayo Clinic says about good friendships:
“Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too.”
Friends can also:
Increase your sense of belonging and purpose.
Boost your happiness and reduce your stress.
Improve your self-confidence and self-worth.
Help you cope with traumas such as divorce, serious illness, job loss, or the death of a loved one.
Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or a lack of exercise.
So, let’s not devalue the importance of having good friends in our lives. I am a woman of faith and a strong believer in the Lord, with Jesus Christ being my number one friend. But I still need my human friends.
As a result, I am purposeful in my heart and mind to find more time, even if it is just having a quick conversation with my friends. I will also try to just slow down a bit, especially when it comes to those pesky domestic chores. They are not that important after all. Well, they are, but not important enough to be slaving over them.
Sisters, if you are reading this, slow it down. Nothing is wrong if you take a few hours and just sleep (talking to me too). That does not mean you are lazy.
It means your body needs some rest. And let’s do something just for the joy of it and not feel guilty as if we have so many other ‘important things’ to do. We are social beings, and that side of us needs to be attended to. Let’s not just attend to everyone’s needs and everything else and leave ourselves wanting. I am going to try to spend some time on myself. What about you?
(First printed on April 21st 2024)
